


Roses & Elderflowers

by LadyoftheForest8



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Blushing Alistair (Dragon Age), Cullen Rutherford Fluff, Cullen Rutherford Smut, Cullen Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Grey Wardens, King Alistair (Dragon Age), Music, My First Fanfic, Oral Sex, POV First Person, Passion, Romance, Rough Sex, Sex, Sexy Alistair (Dragon Age), Smut, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:00:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 37
Words: 44,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22337443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyoftheForest8/pseuds/LadyoftheForest8
Summary: Story of Quinn the Hero of Ferelden as she struggles with her choices. Free of the tower she wants to experience everything especially love. Caught between the two loves of her life will she ever find happiness. Spans DAO, DA2, & DAI.Music tied to each chapter
Relationships: Alistair/Female Warden (Dragon Age), Cullen Rutherford/Female Warden
Comments: 8
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I mainly focused on the relationship between the characters not so much the backstory of the game. I drop you into DAO after becoming a Warden and Loghain's betrayal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mainly focused on the relationship between the characters not so much the backstory of the game. I drop you into DAO after becoming a Warden and Loghain's betrayal.
> 
> Each chapter has its own song that I found applied or I feel goes well with the story.  
> Chapter 1 Song: Daniel in the Den/Bastille

As we made our way to the Circle Tower at Kinloch Hold it seemed like I was back at where I had begun. As soon as we entered the Circle, I could sense that something was not right. Speaking with Knight Commander Greagoir he allowed us inside the tower to help deal with the demons and abominations. I was surprised to see Wynne, a senior enchanter protecting the few remaining mages. I was always envious of how she was able to travel outside of the tower. Wynne looked exhausted but she was insistent that she accompany us to find First Enchanter Irving. Imaging all my friends and teachers at the mercy of Uldred and other blood mages loose in my home was too much.

As we battled our way to the top of the tower, I passed several of my former friends’ bodies. The higher we climbed the screams died down which made me even more cautious. Upon entering, the fourth floor we met a Sloth demon who was cast us into the Fade. After solving tedious puzzles I found my scattered companions. I defeated the Sloth demon; we found ourselves back into the same room thankfully all of us alive.

As we made our way to the fifth floor, I could hear chanting of prayers. Standing in the center of light a man I recognized as Cullen a Templar I knew from my time at the Circle. Growing up in the Circle, Cullen was one of few Templars who actually talked to you. Most of the other Templars would not even acknowledge you. He was my first crush. I was aware of his attraction to me by the way he stammered while speaking with me. I did attempt to ask him once if he would like to go elsewhere to talk hoping to get to know him better. He took his responsibilities as a Templar serious; my brass behavior scared him as he literally ran away from me. Seeing him now, you could tell he was trying to hold onto his sanity. Kneeling in his Templar armor his golden head bowed. I slowly approached his cage of light as to not frighten him.

“This trick again? I know what you are. It won’t work. I will stay strong,” he cried clutching his head.

“Cullen? Don’t you recognize me?” I asked peering at his prison built by magic.

“Only too well…how far they must have delved into my thoughts…Sifting through my thoughts…tempting me with the one thing I always wanted but could never have…Using my shame against me…my ill-advised infatuation with her…a mage of all things,” he cried rocking back and forth.

My breath caught in my throat. I was aware of his attraction to me but hearing him now I understood he had deeper feelings for me. “Cullen this is no trick I am real, we are here to help.” I appealed looking to my companions. Cullen stood slowly peering at us still suspicious.

“Why have you returned to the tower? How have you survived?” he asked starting to believe.

“Greagoir told me what happened, I knew I had to help,” I volunteered.

He told me of how Uldred had tortured the other Templars by caging them then breaking their minds. His anger was evident as he spoke of all the evils that a mage could be capable of. He hatred of mages spewed forth which cut me deeply as I knew he was a man who had always treated mages fairly. His face mirrored his disgust for me knowing my image was used to corrupt his mind. I lowered my head as tears filled my eyes to hear such hate and desperation.

He pleaded with me to kill the remaining mages. I would have been included in this request if Duncan had not conscripted me to the Wardens. I would not kill innocent mages but I would put a stop to Uldred. As I turned away, I brushed the tears from my cheeks as I prepared myself to put a stop to this madness.

Opening the doors of the Harrowing Chamber, I watched in horror as Uldred created abominations from my fellow mages. I noticed three mages restrained in the background, Irving struggling with his bindings. I could not tell if Uldred was possessed or simply mad but he was no match for my companions. Alistair deftly drove his sword through the Pride Demon. First Enchanter Irving was thankfully unharmed though shaken as we helped him back down to speak with Greagoir. Cullen was also waiting at the entrance still looking unhinged. He was visibly upset shouting that the remaining mages could be blood mages or demons. Saving the Circle and remaining Templars gained us the support of the mages against the Blight. As I said good-bye to First Enchanter Irving, Wynne requested I take her along with us. As I needed all the help I could get I accepted gladly.

As we made camp that night I sat by the fire holding Duke my mabari hound tight to my chest. I gazed into the fire and thinking back on all I had seen. My home reduced to a tower of nightmares. I could not stop thinking over how the blood mages cruelly torturing Cullen. The effect had turned a good man into a hateful shaken Templar. His hurtful words and warnings still ringing in my ears. Tears ran down my cheeks as I pressed my face into Duke’s coat. He whined and turned to lick my face, making me break out into a sad smile as I scratched his head. I released him as he bounded away to harass Morrigan again.

Alistair sat down at my side not speaking at first. I was not in the mood for jokes so I held my breath as I waited for him to speak.

“Are you doing ok? I still can’t believe what we just went through.” He consoled poking at the fire.

I blew out a big breath, glad he could be serious especially now. Feeling extremely vulnerable I felt like I could sob uncontrollably at any moment. “I will be alright; I can’t stop thinking what if Duncan would not have taken me when he did. I would have been there. Most likely one of the bodies we passed along the way,” I confided hugging myself.

“No way, you would have been like Wynne protecting everyone. You’re a bad ass!” He assured smiling wide. I started to laugh then bit back a sob.

“Did you see his face? It is all I can see besides the bodies of my friends. He was so broken, the things he said… how much he hated mages. He was never like that before. He was nice he would always make sure to ask me how my day was,” I babbled, tears beginning again.

Alistair moved closer beside me he reached over to wipe away my tears. His hand rubbing my back to comfort me. After a time his arm came around my shoulder to press himself closer into me. I exhaled deeply inhaling a shuddering breath.

“He was a deeply troubled man, and he was haunted by what he had to endure. Just because you saw him at his worst moment does not mean he will always feel that way. Give it some time; don’t be so hard on yourself,” he pleaded as I looked up into his sympathetic eyes.

“Thank you, Alistair. I will be all right, thank you for being here. I really don’t know what I would do without you.” I looked back up at him again realizing how close his face was to mine. I paused to I stared into his eyes my gaze darting to his lips. Embarrassed I shifted my eyes to study the ground.

“You are the one who is keeping everyone together, can’t have you falling apart now can we?” he said lifting my chin so I met his eyes again. My heart began to beat faster wanting him to kiss me but knowing now was not the time, I smiled gratefully.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 Song: The Head and the Heart/Ever Since

Growing up in the circle I never knew what I was missing in the world. I only had childhood memories of the outside world but they were not happy ones. My father a distant man cheerfully gave me over to the Templars at age eight. As I entered the Circle Tower I had never been outside its walls until becoming a Warden. After surviving Ostagar, I took comfort in having Alistair at my side. When I first laid eyes on him at our first meeting he made my heart beat faster. He could always make me laugh even when it was not appropriate. My feelings began to grow as we attempted to gain support for defeating the Blight. Finally gathering up the courage to confront him in camp after weeks of flirting.

“I’d like to discuss something personal?” I inquired biting my lip.

“Well we are in camp now’s a good time as any to talk, right?” he replied sharping his sword with a stone.

“Not sure how to ask this so here goes…would you like to join me in my tent?” I asked playing with the end of my braid.

“Your tent, ah. I know most guys would leap at the chance to be with you, but…I don’t know if I’m ready for that. It’s a big step. I guess that makes me sound like an idiot. I mean…turn down an incredible woman like you. I’d have to be,” He stammered his sword forgotten.

“Oh…that’s alright I understand,” I chattered blushing awkwardly.

“I guess I was just raised not to take this sort of thing lightly. I hope it hasn’t…put you off,” he apologized his cheeks turning red.

“No, I respect that. I just feel embarrassed I asked, if you could just pretend I didn’t say anything,” I gulped looking around for a rock to climb under.

“Sure, now that I’ve handled that with my…usual deft brilliance. Time to move on! And take a cold bath, maybe,” he mumbled as I quickly ran away.

We tried to pretend that I never suggested that I wanted to sleep with him. Truly, I was mortified, never having been in a relationship before I was not sure how to proceed. I was sure that women were not supposed to be this forward but I wanted so badly to experience everything in my new life. I was also a little dismayed that I had read too much into our playful flirting. After traveling for weeks from the Circle trying to track down where the Dalish clan might be located Alistair approached me in camp.

“So all this time we’ve spent together…you know the tragedy, the brushes with death, the constant battles with the whole Blight looming over us…will you miss it once it’s over?” he asked a smile teasing his lips.

“There will always be more battles to fight somewhere,” I admitted used to living day by day.

“But there will be no more running for our lives. No more darkspawn and no more camping in the middle of nowhere. I know it might sound strange, considering we haven’t known each other for very long, but I’ve come to…care for you. A great deal. I think maybe it is because we have gone through so much together. I don’t know. Or maybe I’m imaging it. Maybe I’m fooling myself. Am I? Fooling myself? Or do you think you might ever…feel the same way about me?” He questioned shifting from one foot to the other.

“I think I made it pretty clear I already do,” I confessed relieved he felt the same. He closed the distance between us at my response.

“So I fooled you, did I? Good to know.” He smirked as he leaned toward me placing his hand on the back of my head. I closed my eyes waiting for his lips to meet mine. I was not sure where to put my hands deciding to place them on his shoulders to press him closer into me. His kiss was soft and achingly sweet that left me wanting more. He pulled away slowly to gaze into my eyes. “That…that wasn’t too soon, was it?” He asked worried he moved to fast.

“I don’t know. I need more testing to be sure,” I grinned kissing him back eager to feel his lips again.

“Well, I’ll have to arrange that, wont I?” he decided the corners of his mouth lifting.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 Song: Absofacto/Dissolve

I could not stop smiling; everyone kept making fun of me. In all the chaos around us, I was smiling like a fool, especially whenever Alistair glanced my way. A deep blush would rush to my cheeks just thinking of being alone with him. Ever since we kissed, it had woken something within me. I craved to be touched a fiery need for something I could not name.

At night, a deep throbbing would keep me awake as I clutched my legs together. In the Circle I often overheard other mages would talk about sex but I had no understanding. Sometimes you could hear the sounds of passion coming from closed doors. I used to fantasize about Cullen alone in my room wondering how it would feel to kissed by him. It was becoming hard to concentrate as we made our way to find the Dalish clan. That night we camped close to where we it was rumored the Dalish might be located.

I finished eating a terrible stew that Alistair had made. I wondered if it was time I took over the meals. Leliana pointed out that I had blood in my hair from our fight earlier with some darkspawn on the road. She told me there was a spring not too far away north of our camp. Grabbing my pack and whistling to Duke, we were off on our way to find it. As I drew closer, I could hear the sound of slashing water. I slowed my pace and cautiously approaching the spring. Bathed in moonlight was Alistair visible from the chest up washing himself. I stood in the shadows as I watched him heating rising up to my face. His muscles so much more pronounced as I was used to seeing him armored. Duke rushed forward barking and an exasperated groan left my lips. “Duke, that you? Anyone with you?” he questioned the sound of splashing as I came out of my hiding place.

“It’s me, Quinn!” I called walking closer waving awkwardly.

He had sunk deeper into the water only his head visible above the water. Duke was happily swimming in circles but climbed out and shook himself at the shore. “Duke, go back to camp,” I said. He whined stamping his feet. “Go on or I’ll have Wynne give you another bath,” I threatened. Duke took off kicking up dirt on his race back to camp. I chuckled as I turned around to face Alistair. “Do you mind if I join you or I could wait...?” I inquired gesturing to the spring.

“You can join but I will warn you I am naked as my name day,” he disclosed his face embarrassed.

“Well I suppose I will just have to do the same then, would you mind turning around, unless you want to break the illusion,” I joked starting to take off my boots.

He turned in the water so the back of his head faced me, “What illusion is that?” he wondered aloud.

“That I am this perfect woman with no flaws,” I replied turning my back to him as well. I pulled my robes over my head, hanging them on a tree branch. I unwrapped my breast band and removed my small clothes as well. The night air felt amazing on my skin as I turned to enter the water. It was cool but not shockingly cold as I imagined. I submerged myself, closing my eyes as I surrendered myself to the quiet weightless water. Kicking off the bottom, I broke the surface to see the sky lit up with stars. “Wow,” I gasped breathless in wonder.

“What?” he asked looking up at the sky.

“If you would have told me when I was in the Circle that I would be bathing under the stars naked, I would have never believed you,” I admitted still amazed at my freedom.

“Well you haven’t lived then, have you?” he chuckled splashing me playfully.

“No, I haven’t. There were always Templars around watching you. There wasn't even a garden to walk in. As much as that place was my home it was a prison of sorts,” I paddled around feeling the water rush over my skin.

“I know what you mean, in the Chantry we were closely monitored as well, we were allowed outside though. I would drive the brothers crazy with my antics, sometimes I would just scream until one of the brothers came running; I would tell them I was just checking,” He laughed at his memory.

Snickering I found a spot where I could stand, my shoulders just reaching the surface. “Did you bring any soap?” I inquired looking around. He grabbed at an object and swam closer to me.

“Don’t drop it, Morrigan threatened to turn me into a toad,” he shared handing me a bar of soap.

I took the soap and began to wash the grime of the road from my skin. I noticed that Alistair seemed to be paying particular attention to where my hands would roam. “Could you turn around again so I can get the parts that are under the water,” I asked stepped into a shallow area.

He obliged and turned his back as I walked nearer the shore. I watched the back of his head knowing he would not turn around for a peek, as he was gentleman, but I rather wished he would. I stepped back deeper into the water.

“All done, you can turn back around,” I announced washing my hair. Rinsing I let my body float on my back arms outstretched gazing up at the stars. “Do you know the names of any of these stars?” I asked.

“Uh, yes. That one there is Fervenial, looks like a dragon, see it there,” He pointed at a series of stars his eyes darting from the sky to my floating body.

“No, where?” I squinted my eyes trying to see the pattern. He floated up behind me grabbing my hand to point it out “There is the body and here are the wings, see it now?” he questioned releasing my hand to disappear under the water. He resurfaced shaking the water from his hair.

“I do!” I exclaimed excited to see the pattern form. “Did you learn that in the Chantry?” I inquired letting my body float instead of treading.

“No, it was a tutor I had with Arl Eamon. I don’t remember them all but Fervenial is my favorite. I am getting all pruney. Are you ready to head back to camp?” he whined inspecting his fingers.

I sighed, “Yes I suppose, don’t want everyone talking about us,” I supposed swimming leisurely toward the shore.

He laughed, “Oh yes, we can’t have that. Well who is getting out first?” he puzzled looking at me nervously.

“You since you’re all pruney,” I ordered smiling mischievously wiggling my fingers.

“Well turn around then,” he lectured starting to walk out.

I turned around but unlike him, I was not a gentleman. I had never seen a naked man before, I was not about to miss my chance. I peeked over my shoulder and watched as he emerged from the spring. My breath caught in my chest as a familiar aching sensation clutched in my stomach. The water ran down his back, buttocks, and legs and he stepped to the shore. He reached for his clothes and caught my interested gaze looking him over. I whipped my head around as fast as I clamped my lips together in embarrassment.

“No fair, you cheated!” he called out as I bit my lip.

“I couldn’t help it, I just wanted a peek,” I argued petulantly.

“Your turn,” he hollered as I dipped down one last time.

I wheeled around in the water to see him clothed waiting on the shore. I thought about asking him to turn around but it was only fair that he get a look as well. I swam back remembering to grab the soap starting toward the edge of the spring again. I waited to see if he would lose his nerve and turn his back but he watched as I slowly made my way out of the water. I desperately wanted to cover my body with my hands but at the same time wanted him to see me as no one else had before. His eyes burned, as they looked me up and down as I finally reached my clothes. I wrung out my hair and water pooled around my feet.

“Just so you know I only saw the back of you, so it’s not completely fair,” I complained as I pulled my robes back over my head, not wasting time with my small clothes.

“What were you saying about flaws earlier? Because clearly I didn’t see those,” He jested trying not to laugh.

Smiling I shoved him playfully “Come on they will have plenty to say if we linger any longer. By the way, what was that stew you made for dinner, another Ferelden recipe?” I asked as we walked back to camp together.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 Song: Bloom/The Paper Kites

Leliana passed me a bottle of Orlesian wine she bought from a traveling merchant on our way to Brecilian Forest. She had been so excited with her find she opened it that night inviting me into her tent. I had only ever stole sips of ale or wine from other mages in the tower. Passing the wine back to her I noticed we had almost finished the bottle. It was rather good but the more I drank the more flushed I grew.

“Your cheeks are so adorably red,” she pointed out. I felt my face as I burst out laughing not sure what was so funny. "So you and Alistair…” she trailed off arching an eyebrow.

“Alistair and I what?” I asked giggling taking another drink to cover my embarrassment.

“Please anyone can see that you are both smitten with each other,” she implied pouring more wine into my cup. I looked down at the floor of the tent so my shy smile would not overwhelm my whole face.

“So how is Alistair?” she asked scooting closer to me.

“What do you mean?” I asked back confused.

“You know what I mean. Alistair and you, those long nights. He must be quite delightful, you would not be this happy otherwise. He is athletic, that’s always nice. He is also good at following instructions, isn’t he?” she inquired as I choked on wine. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

“Leliana!” I exclaimed playfully hitting at her.

“What too shy to speak of it, surely you must want to talk about it with someone. Why not me?” she put forth shrugging. I put down my cup while nervously toying with my hair.

“You promise to not speak about it to anyone else,” I pleaded afraid of everyone talking about us.

“A bard’s whole life is keeping secrets, you can trust me,” she agreed as she reached out and gave my hand a squeeze.

“Well we have only kissed nothing more than that. I do have feelings for him and he has said as much. I feel like I am going crazy” I admitted grinning like an idiot.

“Well what is the holdup then, surely you’re not waiting for a proposal. I would have made a move myself but he only has eyes for you,” she confessed tucking a loose strand of my hair behind my ear.

“I did offer myself to him but he said he wasn’t ready. Which is fine, it is a big step. I guess I was just embarrassed that I had even suggested it,” I conveyed absently picking a thread on my robe.

Leliana laughed musically “Sweet girl, you have to be direct to get what you want. Alistair is hopeless but mostly I think he is scared, give him some time, he may surprise you,” she added wiggling her eyebrows at me.

“I just wonder if I am going to be any good at any of it,” I scoffed looking away worried.

“If your fighting is any sign you need not worry. But if you are so concerned I could show you some skills I have picked up along the way,” she offered suggestively.

Abruptly a loud choking cough interrupted us coming from outside the tent. Leliana put a finger to her lips as she stood up and strolled stealthily toward the tent flap. She quickly peeked outside while I covered my mouth with hands. She turned back towards me her face breaking out into a smile. “Alistair must have been eavesdropping, I say we teach him a little lesson,” she conspired chuckling. Amused I joined her at the entrance of the tent to see Alistair still choking trying to get as far away from Leliana’s tent as possible.

“What do you have in mind? I don’t want to embarrass him any further,” I faltered not sure it was wise to humiliate him. 

“Just wait here, I’ll be right back,” she called over her shoulder. I watch her causally stride over to Alistair as he turned different shades of pink. His body language could not be more obvious that he would rather be anywhere else. Leliana reached out to stroke his cheek as he jerked away almost falling. She softly chuckled to herself as she gave a parting remark and strode back toward the tent. 

“What did you say?!” I asked as taking her by the shoulders.

Laughing lightly to herself, “I told him that my offer was available to him as well. I just wanted to see how red he would get. I may have mentioned if he doesn’t make good on your request soon, I may not be able to keep my hands off you,” she revealed a devious glint in her eye.

“Leliana, you didn’t!” I squealed heat returning to my cheeks.

“My dear you shouldn’t be left wanting. You are very lovely; I would enjoy introducing you all the pleasures so far denied to you. My proposal still stands of course if you would like any direction,” she proposed her eyes meeting mine. I licked my lips stunned and slightly light headed as I tried to come up with a response.

“Uh, thanks for the wine and your offer. I should get some sleep, we should reach the Dalish camp tomorrow,” I dodged meekly making my way out of the tent. Gulping the fresh air, I shook my head an attempt to clear it. Everyone was asleep by now as I made my way to my own tent hoping the next morning would not bring a hangover.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The wait is over its about to heat up.
> 
> Chapter 5 Song: Hurricane/Fleurie

In order to gain the Dalish clan support it was off to the forest of deal with werewolves. This task was not as arduous as the Circle but there were still difficult decisions laid before me. Since I needed the elves support, I felt forced to side with Zathrian their leader. In return for his aide, I reluctantly had to kill Witherfang and her followers. After receiving their pledge, we made our way to Orzammar to add the dwarves to our cause. On our way there, we picked up an assassin named Zevran. He had failed to complete his contract to kill me. Most of my companions did not agree with me to spare him but I did not have the heart to take his life. He could prove to be useful in the fight to come. After setting up camp and eating, Duke insisted on playing fetch. He began to tire after a while choosing instead to lazily chew on his newfound stick. Hearing footsteps, I raised my eyes to see Alistair shuffling towards me.

“All right, I guess I really don’t know how to ask you this,” he disclosed breathing rapidly.

“Are you sweating?” I asked wondering why he was so nervous.

No! I mean yes, I mean…I’m a little nervous, sure. Not that this is anything bad or frightening or…well, yes. Oh, how do I say this? You’d think it would be easier, but every time I’m around you, I feel like my head’s about to explode. I-I can’t think straight,” he revealed gesturing wildly.

“I feel the same way,” I admitted smiling at his awkwardness.

“Being near you makes me crazy, but I can’t imagine being without you. Not ever. I don’t know how to say this another way. I want to spend the night with you. Here, in the camp. Maybe this is too fast. I don’t know, but…I know what I feel,” he babbled sweat visible on his brow.

“I thought you’d never ask,” I smirked a mixture of excitement and nervousness.

“I wanted to wait for the perfect time, the perfect place…but when will it be perfect? If things were, we wouldn’t have met. We sort of…stumbled into each other, and despite this being the least perfect time. I still found myself falling for you in between all the fighting and everything else. I really don’t want to wait anymore. I’ve…I’ve never done this before. You know that. I want it to be with you...while we have the chance. In case…” he trailed off.

“I want to be with you too. I have never been with anyone either…but I want my first time to be with you. Meet me in my tent while I settle Duke with Wynne tonight,” I responded calling to Duke to follow. He made a big to do about not being able to sleep with me. Wynne on the other hand was so happy to have him she thankfully asked no questions. Nervously I brushed my hair back from my face and straightened my robe before entering my tent. Alistair stood in the center of the tent taking off his armor and setting aside the pieces in the corner. He only wore a thin white shirt and pants. Our eyes met as I bit my lip not sure, if I should start undressing too. “I’m really nervous,” I blurted out trying to keep my voice level.

“Really, you didn’t seem nervous when you suggested this weeks ago?” he teased grinning.

“I know…I was nervous then too but now it’s really happening...I’m not sure what to do. Should I undress, how does this work?" I asked as my hands fidgeting with my robes.

“Actually I would like to do that, if that is ok?” he asked slowly crossing the room. I looked up into his eyes as his arms encircled my waist. I tilted my head to better angle my lips to his. Another sweet gentle kiss met my slightly parted lips as my hands pressed into his chest. I gasped as his tongue delved into my mouth seeking to meet my own. Unfamiliar with how to continue I lightly met his tongue with mine as a moan escaped his lips. My hands rose to his wrap around his neck as our kissing increased. His hands reached higher to softly cup my breasts bringing a sigh to my lips. Breaking our kiss, he planted several small kisses on my lips trailing to my neck. I pulled at his shirt bring it over his head. Finding the edge of my robe, he brought it up around my body to discard it onto the floor. His lips met mine again as I pressed into him feeling his excitement. He pulled away again, I moaned with dismay as I leaned toward him but he held me firmly in place.

“I want to see you,” he pleaded taking his time. Pulling on the end of my breast band unwrapping it from around my body. He stepped back to gaze at my naked breasts as his hands rose to meet them. Cupping them gently he molded them into his hands. Kneeling he gently kissed my hardened nipple as I gasped at the sensation. Swirling his tongue around each bud then drawing them into his mouth I moaned salaciously. My knees felt like they might give out as any moment as he lowered my small clothes down my legs. He parted my legs wider my heart racing he looked up at me with lust in his eyes. He brought his mouth to center, licking slowly as he still held my gaze. My head leaned back as I grabbed the hair on the back of his head. He increased the fervor of his tongue delving deeper into me. One hand braced the back of my ass while the other reached up to caress my breast and pinch at my nipple. The waves of pleasure shook through my body as I tried to quiet my cries. When his lips closed around my nub to suck gently, I broke crying out loudly. His hands reached to brace me as my legs weakened almost spilling me to the floor. He gently kissed my sex again while smirking to stand again. My eyes dazed as he picked me up to lay me lightly onto the cot. “How…did…where did you learn that?” I asked speech slowly coming back to me.

He smiled shyly, “Boys in the chantry talk, I picked up bits and pieces, though I never thought it would receive that kind of response,” he admitted lying beside me.

“That was amazing,” I reveled. My hands reaching up to caress his chest and arms. He brought his hands to my cheeks softly cupping them in his palms.

“Maker you’re beautiful, I’m a lucky man,” he said leaning in to kiss my lips again. He pressed himself into me as I writhed again his pants. We continued to kiss deeply and my hands roamed his body feeling soft skin and hard muscles mapping his figure. My hands tore at the lacing on his pants but he brushed my hands away. I looked into his face with a questioning expression.

“Are you sure you’re ready? We can stop now,” He alleged his expression concerned.

“Maker! Are you kidding me, get those pants off now,” I demanded. Chuckling to himself, he removed his pants and settled above me. He positioned himself at my opening looking into my eyes. I nodded, my hands at his hips urging him on. He pushed himself into me, a new sensation of tightness and stretching. It was not unpleasant just a new feeling I was not accustomed to. His lips softly kissed my neck as he slowly plunged into me. His kissing turned into sucking lightly on my neck as I brought my legs up to meet his thrusts. Panting I gripped his lower back to urge him on, which he noticed as he increased his pace. I felt flushed and wild trying to bring him closer. I was close to falling apart all over again, my moans reaching a peak. We stared deeply into one another’s eyes as his thrusts quickened sporadically. We both cried out gripping at each other for something to hold onto. A wonderful sensation of warmth filled my body as my pounding heart tried to settle back down. He withdrew and lay beside me also trying to catch his breath. My whole body pulsed with my heartbeat.

“You know, according to all the sisters at the monastery, I should have been struck by lightning by now,” he gasped throwing glance at me.

“It could still happen you are sleeping with a mage,” I retorted my body still buzzing.

“You do realize the rest of our little party here is going to talk, right? You weren’t exactly discreet, pretty sure they heard you in Denerim,” he boasted propping his head up on his hand.

“Proud of yourself are you? Well first smart comment and I feed them to the darkspawn,” I replied curling myself into him.

“See? This is why I love you,” he chuckled kissing the top of my head.

“I love you too,” I sighed cuddling into his arms to fall asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 Song: Somewhere Only We Know/Cover by Lily Allen

I woke the next morning reaching out for him but I found myself alone. Dressing quickly I tried to prepare myself for the looks and quiet gossip I was sure to greet me from my companions. Duke rushed over nearly knocking me down in his excitement to see me. “Hey bud; did you have fun spending the night with Wynne?" I asked him. He whined sadly at me as I rubbed his head. “Come on let’s get some breakfast,” I said making my way to the campfire. Zevran, Wynne, and Morrigan sat beside the fire eating and talking. There was no sign of Alistair as I sat down beside Zevran. He handed me a heel of bread filled with thick hot stew. Sten standing far away from the rest of us as usual.

“Wynne was just saying how Duke was a splendid cuddlier last night. I’m quite jealous as to why she was asked and not I,” he joked trying to look upset.

“Well I would have asked Morrigan as Duke is especially enamored with her but I know she dislikes him,” I remarked in between bites.

“It’s not that I hate him, he smells and is always bringing me dead things,” Morrigan grimaced crossing her arms defensively. 

“Wynne adores him and I thought she would enjoy spending time with him. If you wish to keep him for a couple of nights I’m sure he would enjoy that,” I offered Duke making sad eyes at me whined again.

“We had so much fun! However, he got upset with me when I insisted on brushing him. I tried to bathe him this morning but he would not allow me to catch him,” Wynne grumbled picking at her food.

“Did you sleep well last night?” Zevran asked me playfully. Swallowing hard I set my face into a passive expression.

“Yes, quite well, thanks for asking,” I acknowledged swallowing hard. I wondered where Alistair had gone but intent on not bringing it to anyone’s attention. “Is Leliana still asleep?” I asked also noticing her missing.

“She went down to the spring to look for Alistair, he was quite flustered this morning,” Wynne divulged with a look of disapproval.

“Oh?” I looked around at my companions.

“He may have took offense to some advice I offered him. Ferelden’s are so finicky,” Zevran admitted shrugging. Finishing my food, I fed Duke my left over scraps. Rising to my feet I brused the crumbs off my robe.

“We set off for Orzammar, let’s break down camp. I’m taking Duke for a quick walk then I’ll be back to help,” I called walking toward the woods as Duke padded at my side. I cut back through the grove to double back to the spring. Duke glanced up at me with a worried expression on his face. I reached the edge of the wood slowing down to peer down into the spring. Alistair was sitting on some rocks on the edge of the spring his back to the water. Leliana sat beside him speaking in a low voice her hand resting on his back. I stepped out onto the trail making my way down to them. Leliana smiled my way as I approached.

“We are getting ready to pack up. Everything alright?” I questioned trying to gauge Alistair’s expression.

“Yes, just talking. I had better head back if I want breakfast. We better get moving if we want to reach Orzammar before nightfall,” she commented making her way back to camp. I leaned against a tree looking down at Alistair.

“Are you alright?” I asked playing with my braid. Sighing he stood dragging his feet he made his way closer to me.

“Sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up. I left before dawn so it would not be obvious to everyone else. Sounds stupid saying that now, I would have rather woken up with you in my arms,” he explained reaching up to take a lock of my hair in his fingers. He twirled his fingers around the lock staring at it in a faraway look. “I think most of them know already or at least Zevran does. I know he was only trying to get under my skin but it upset me that he was so blunt about it,” he worried his eyes hooded.

“You don’t regret it do you?” I inquired scared that maybe we had moved too fast.

“No! Of course not!” he cried. His hand reached to cup my cheek, his thumb sweeping across my lower lip. “Do you?” he queried studying my face.

“No, I don’t care about what they think. I only care about how you feel about me. I know it may only complicate things more but I cannot help my feelings for you. The hardest part is trying to focus on what we are trying to accomplish. It is going to be difficult not worrying for you when we run into trouble. We have a duty and as much I care for you we must succeed if we are to stop the Blight,” I confessed begrudgingly looking up into his eyes.

“I know exactly what you mean. Let us try to make it through this and see where it takes us. We are in this together,” he said leaning down to bring our lips together. My mouth opened to his as my hands reached up to run through his hair. His thumb softly caressing my cheek as we broke apart. Duke barked and jumped at us.

“Alright, we are coming!” I exclaimed walking back to camp hand in hand.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 Song: All of Me/Cover by Madilyn and Jason

I thought the Circle was arduous; Orzammar was not any easier. There was no Fade but the journey through the deep roads was one trial after another. Once I finished one task there were three others that required my assistance. We were able to gain two new companions a nug I bought for Leliana. She was enamored with him naming him Schmooples of all things. We also acquired a dwarf we met in a bar named Oghren.

Deciding to back Lord Harrowmont, we descended into the Deep Roads to find Oghren’s wife Branka. Quickly we devised that Branka was not in the right state of mind as she sacrificed all who had followed her in her attempt to reach the anvil. My heart went out to Oghren at my decision to side with Caridin, knowing what that would mean for him. We made our way back to the city with a crown in hand to name Harrowmont as king. Harrowmont honored the treaties and pledged his support to the Blight.

I was surprised Oghren offered to join us knowing what he had lost back in the deep roads. My spirits high knowing that we had secured mages, elves, and now dwarves to our cause. As we made camp that night, we passed around a bottle of home brewed spirits provided by Oghren. It felt good to celebrate, most of the time we were running from one disaster to another. Learning my lesson from my previous experience drinking I stopped early. Relieved I headed to my tent to get some very much-needed sleep. I kicked off my boots while lighting a small lantern beside my cot.

“Oghren is quite the character don’t you think?” Alistair said walking into my tent and securing the opening.

“I just hate how it turned out for him with Branka and all; do you think I made the right decision?” I asked the weight of my choices getting heavier each day.

“Yes, I do. She clearly had lost touch, look at what she did to Laryn. If I didn’t already have nightmares about the Archdemon, that Broodmother would be at the top of the list,” he shuddered trying to shake the image from his head.

“I agree, let’s talk about something more pleasant. Like has any every told you how handsome you are?" I asked pulling my robe over my head. Reaching behind my back, I began to unfasten my breast band and let that drop the floor as well. Peering over my shoulder, he stood frozen his eyes widening.

“I uh…not unless they were asking me for a favor. Well there was that one time in Denerim, but those women…were not like you,” he said still not moving just watching. I sat down in the middle of the cot unraveling my braid so my dark hair cascaded over my shoulders.

“Do me a favor and get over here,” I instructed. He drew his shirt over his body while kicking off his boots. Making his way over to me, he lay beside me reaching to caress my naked breasts.

“Oghren said the strangest thing to me earlier. He asked what I did with your legs,” he said shifting himself to kneel at the foot of the cot.

“What?! Can we not talk about Oghren right now?” I asked confused. He lifted one of my legs to plant a kiss on the inside of my ankle. He worked his way kiss by kiss up my leg reaching to my inner thigh. My breath suddenly sped up as he kissed over to my other thigh until he rested at my other ankle. He pulled down my small clothes over my legs.

“You do have lovely legs which I haven’t been able to stop thinking about since he mentioned it. He suggested I get them out of the way and went about my business.” He kissed up my stomach to rest on his side next to me. He softly cupped one breast as he began to lick and suck at my other nipple. He hand lowered to caress my clit, drawing small slow circles as I spread my legs wider apart. “You are so wet,” he whispered in my ear. Drawing a moan from my lips as I guided his mouth to mine eagerly tasting his lips. When his tongue slipped into my parted mouth, his finger entered me at the same time. He worked his finger in and out slowly at first responding as my hips tried to match the rhythm. He slipped in another finger filling me while increasing his tempo. I could feel his readiness press into my leg as he pulled back from our kiss. He watched my face with amusement, “I want to watch you come,” he breathed. His fingers reached a spot inside me where I saw stars. Trembling I cried out while gripping roughly at the cot. I came bucking into his fingers. He placed small kisses on my throat and behind my ear as his fingers slowed and then retreated. I blinked slowly trying to catch my breath.

“Chantry boys talk about that too?” I asked breathily smirking.

“No, that was all me,” He admitted proudly.

“I want to touch you too,” I confessed my cheeks burning. “Why do you always have pants on?” I asked moodily. He quickly shifted to remove his pants and small clothes. Settling on his back my eyes took in his maleness. The first time we made love, the tent was somewhat dark only lit by the campfire. I had yet to see him fully unclothed as he was now. My hand reached out to touch his hard cock, not sure how to proceed. I marveled how smooth and soft his skin was compared to how rock hard he was in my hand. “You’re going to have to help me, I’m not sure what I should do,” I pleaded blushing. He placed his hand over mine working my hand from the base up stroking slowly.

“Slow at first,” he swallowed breathing heavy. He pumped himself into my hand showing me what gave him pleasure. He took his hand away so I could work him on my own. I switched between watching my hand wrapped around his cock to his face eyes closed mouth slightly parted. “Faster,” he groaned his breath catching as his body twitched at my increase in speed. I marveled at how his body responded to my touch. I began to mix between fast and slow strokes, increasing and relaxing my grip based on his response. A thought entered my mind wondering how it would feel to have him in my mouth but I was not sure about how that worked either. I certainly did not want to make a fool of myself. His hand reached for my wrist to stop me. Puzzled I looked over to him, “I’m sorry was I doing it wrong?” I asked embarrassed.

“No, you were lovely. I would not be able to last much longer if you kept that up. I’ve been thinking about being with you ever since we left the Orzammar,” he breathed pulling me up to him.

He turned me on my side facing away from him pressing his hardness into my ass. I turned to throw him a questioning look. He positioned himself as he slowly pushed into my entrance, sheathing himself fully in me. His hand came around to cup my breast, delicately pulling at both of my nipples. He sucked skillfully at my earlobe while slowly withdrawing from me to fill me up again. It was maddening how slowly he eased himself in and out of me. I pushed back against him matching his moments.

“Maker, you are so tight,” he whispered in between his own moans. My hand reached behind to grip his thigh to spurn him on. He slipped his own hand between my legs as his fingers expertly circled my clit. His cock incredibly hard feeling every inch of him pulse within him. I felt myself clench tighter around him as my orgasm came in shuddering waves. Without allowing me to catch my breath, he hooked his arm below my knee to spread my legs further apart as he began to thrust deeply into me. I reached behind to grab the hair on the back of his head. His efforts so intense his skin slapped into mine. He bit lightly at a spot in between my neck and shoulder. His movements became more frenzied as he found that spot in me again that made my eyes roll into the back of my head. We cried out at the same time as our bodies melded together. Lowering my leg we stayed locked togther for some time.

“So I guess I have Oghren to thank,” I sighed lazily grinning to myself.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 Song: Trying My Best/Anson Seabra

Even in all this horror and knowing it we may perish in our pursuit to stop the Blight, I had never been happier. I had friends who I cared for and cared about me. I had my freedom to experience the world. I enjoyed being able to help others, while trying to stop the Blight. Mainly I was happy to found love for the first time. Making our way to Redcliffe it seemed like we had been traveling for years to get here. The closer we got to Redcliffe I began to notice a change in Alistair. We hadn't had the chance to be alone. I was not sure if I was the cause of his mood. He was very quiet and not cracking jokes as usual. As we crested the hill to reach Redcliffe village, Alistair pulled me aside.

  
“Look, can we talk for a moment? I need to tell you something. I, ah, should probably have told you earlier,” Alistair hesitated not meeting my eyes.

“What’s on your mind?” I asked concerned at his behavior.

“I told you before how Arl Eamon raised me, right? That my mother was a serving girl at the castle and he took me in? The reason he did that was because…well, because my father is King Maric. Which made Cailan my…half-brother, I suppose,” he revealed worry creasing his face.

“What?! You don’t think you might have told me this before?” I seethed my voice raising in anger.

“Everyone who knew either resented me for it or coddled me…even Duncan kept me out of the fighting because of it. I didn’t want you to know, as long as possible. I’m sorry,” he confided the corners of his mouth turning down.

“You still should have told me Alistair. I cannot believe you would keep something like that from me. Are you hiding anything else?” I asked scared that I didn’t know him at all.

“No, just you’re run of the mill bastard prince. Now can we move on, and I’ll just pretend you still think I’m some…nobody who was too lucky to not die with the rest of the Grey Wardens,” he uttered kicking at a stone.

“Is that how you really see yourself? Or how you think I see you?” I asked on the verge of tears.

“Listen I didn’t want you to look at me differently, I never thought it would come up but now that we are in Redcliffe and Cailan is dead, I wanted you to be aware,” he explained his gaze distant.

“I understand your reasoning, I really do. The fact is you didn’t trust me with this before we got involved scares me. I need some time to think this over,” I rebuked swallowing the lump stuck in my throat.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 Song: Fallen/Gert Taberner

After defending Redcliffe Village from a brutal darkspawn attack. We me up with Teagan the Arl’s brother on our way to the castle, catching sight of Arlessa Isolde Guerrin hurrying down the path. From Alistair’s accounts of Isolde, I already did not like her. How cruel could a woman be to cast out a child even if she believed the Arl was the father? She seemed nervous and agitated, insisting Teagan come back to the castle with her. Discovering the secret entrance Teagan described to us, we fought our way into the castle. Upon entering throne room, we discovered to our dismay Conner the Arl’s son possessed by a demon. I was torn between being furious how Isolde hid her son's magic ability. While also envious that she would risk concealing him in order to keep him close to his family. This unfortunate child only mistake was trusting a demon to save his father’s life. There was no way I was killing this child let alone using blood magic. There was really only one option available to me, which was to head back to Kinloch Hold to ask for Irving’s assistance. Alistair kept trying to get my attention but I needed to focus on saving Conner. I was so afraid the situation at the castle would escalate once I left. I did not have much of a choice as we headed back to the Tower. Alistair was finally able to corner me while I went to collect firewood. Duke growled at him, bringing a small smile to my face.

“Quinn I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier but please let me explain,” he pleaded his arms outstretched.

“Why would you keep something like this a secret from me?” I asked crossing my arms in front of my body.

“You never asked?” he sassed attempting to make a joke of it. I rolled my eyes exasperated, I calmed my breathing trying not to allow let my anger overwhelm me.

“I’m hurt that you didn’t think you could trust me,” I said trying to keep my emotions in check. He threw a stick for Duke, moving closer to me.

“It’s not that I didn’t trust you. It’s…the thing is, I’m used to not telling anyone who didn’t already know. It was always a secret. Even Duncan was the only Grey Warden who knew. And then after the battle when I should have told you…I don’t know. It seemed like it was too late by then. How do you tell someone that?” He asked lightly squeezing my upper arms.

“I guess I can understand that,” I admitted still hurt.

“I… I should have told you anyway. It was important for you to know. I guess part of me liked you not knowing,” he reasoned looking down ashamed.

“Why?” I asked looking up at him confused.

“It’s just that anyone who’s ever found out has treated me differently afterwards. I was the bastard prince instead of just being Alistair. I know that must sound stupid to you, but I hate that it’s shaped my entire life. I never wanted it, and I certainly don’t want to be king. The very idea of it terrifies me,” he said looking at his feet. Though I was still upset, I could not help but understand and feel for him. Growing up with this secret his whole life, he just wanted to be normal. I understood that all too well. I placed both of my hands on either side of his face, so he had to look into my eyes.

“It doesn’t sound stupid at all,” I soothed.

“For all the good it does me. My blood seems certain to haunt me no matter what I do. I guess I should be thankful that Arl Eamon is far more likely to inherit the throne than I am. He is not royal blood, but he was Cailan’s uncle...and more importantly very popular. For what it’s worth, I am sorry for not telling you sooner. I…I guess I was just hoping that you would like me for who I am. It was a dumb thing to do,” he divulged miserably.

“I understand, I’m sorry you have had to carry that your whole life. I don’t think I would have treated you differently but maybe I would have. I fell in love with you. I don’t care about whether you’re a prince or not.” I insisted pulling him closer.

“I guess it’s kind of a relief that you know now,” he admitted trying to sound cheerful.

“I love you Alistair, no matter what I happens you can be assured of that,” I said fiercely, leaning in to kiss away his pain and sadness.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10 Song: Someone to Stay/Vancouver Sleep Clinic

We made our way back to the Circle tower short on time. Irving agreed to help with the few people left we set back for Redcliffe. I could not stop thinking about the implications of what Alistair told me about his birthright. Was it possible for Alistair to inherit the throne? Surely if we could find a cure to this poison that sickened Arl Eamon, we need not worry. Could Alistair still be a Grey Warden while being king, it sounded farfetched? What would that mean for our relationship? There would be no chance of us being together if he had any hopes of holding the throne. I pushed all these panicked thoughts aside as we made our way to the gates of Redcliffe. We began the ritual finding myself back in the Fade I cursed to myself. Luckily, finding and killing the desire demon did not take long. Back in the real world, Connor was fine thankfully, he did not remember much. Arl Eamon still catatonic as the poison seeped slowly into his veins. Speaking with Teagan and Isolde, they explained only the Urn of Sacred Ashes could save him. We set off again this time in search of Brother Genitivi in Denerim. As we reached Denerim, Alistair explained that he had a long lost sister in the city and asked if we could stop in to visit with her. I gladly agreed knowing that he needed some family especially now. That idea turned out to be disastrous wondering if I would ever catch a break. Turned out all that was important to his sister was money, which I gladly agreed to in the hopes of getting Alistair out of this situation. Never having any siblings myself, I understood the pull of wanting a blood relative to share your life.

Making our way to Brother Genitivi’s home, we encountered his assistant. Something seemed off with him he attacked us, I soon found out why. A body in the back of the room was his real assistant. We found some clues pointing us to a village named Haven. Someone was going so far as to plant impersonators to conceal something. Once we reached the village, the same feeling came over me. The people living here were strange obviously hiding a terrible mystery. We found Brother Genitivi in a secret room in Haven’s Chantry. He told us that the people in the village were cultists who believed a dragon nearby was Andraste reborn. Finally we found the ashes I almost wept knowing we had to get back to Redcliffe as soon as possible. Walking back across the mountain top Oghren brought out a horn he took off Kolgrim’s body. Studying it first, he then brought it to his lips and blew a long blast scaring Leliana.

“Agh…dang thing,” Oghren shouted hurling the horn off into the distance.

“A little warning would have been nice,” Leliana huffed clutching her chest. All was quiet then a loud roar echoed off the mountain. We all looked up in awe as a high dragon launched itself into the sky.

“Brace yourselves,” Alistair yelled bringing his shield up. The high dragon landed hard, shaking the earth under our feet. I stayed at a distance summoning spells to protect my companions. Alistair and Oghren attacking the dragons legs, while Leliana arrows flew hitting their target with impressive speed. The dragon drew back to rake at Alistair. I cast cone of cold, freezing the dragon for seconds as Alistair caught my eye nodding as he pressed his attack. The dragon unfroze as I moved to its rear casting heal on Oghren. I stepped a little closer to cast a lightning spell the high dragon turned to look back at me. Its tail soared out at me launching me into the air. I landed hard onto my back dazed while I struggled to breathe. I gasped for breath trying to not panic, knowing the air had been knocked out of me. Eventually I sat up watching as Alistair thrust his sword into the dragon’s neck bringing it down. Leliana ran to my side, kneeling beside me.

“Are you alright?” she asked looking me over. I nodded waiting until my breath came back to finally speak.

“Yes, I’m fine,” I breathed shakily. She stood up and offered me her hand to help me to my feet. Alistair came rushing over the distress plain on his face.

“Quinn, thank the Maker. I thought…,” Alistair faltered his voice filled with emotion as he pulled me into his arms.

“Did you see that?! Wait until the boy’s at the Tapster hear about this! Uh…I may need a change of pants,” Oghren bellowed excitedly.

“Oghren, Leliana can you make sure we have everything ready to head back. I want to speak with Quinn and make sure she is not injured." He led me behind a pillar away from the remains of the high dragon.

“Alistair, really I am okay,” I explained. Taking off his leather gloves, he dropped them to the ground. Pushing me up against a pillar, he swiftly gathered the skirt of my robe to my waist, pulling down my small clothes. Not saying a word, he scrambled to unbutton his pants. Lifting me up he settled between my legs thrusting himself into me. I wrapped my legs around his torso as he pumped into me desperately, not taking his eyes from me face. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders to hold myself up. He brought his hand up to cover my mouth as I began to make soft sensual cries. His steel armor cold against my exposed skin. He buried his head into my neck rocking himself into my wetness his other hand lifting my ass. His paced quickened as I shut my eyes to give myself over the waves of pleasure riding my body. He jerked a few more times before stepping back to set my legs carefully back to the ground. He fumbled with his pants, retrieving his gloves. I pulled my small clothes back up while I tried to catch my breath.

His face flushed he met my eyes “I thought I had lost you back there,” he said swallowing hard. I reached out to caress his cheek.

“You can’t get rid of me that easy,” I said smiling, kissing his lips ever so gently. He grinned back at me kissing my forehead.

“We should join the others, we need to get back to Redcliffe as soon as possible,” he stated taking my hand and leading me back to the remains of the dead high dragon.

“Let’s head back to Brother Genitivi; we can clean up in the village. Especially you Oghren,” Alistair called to everyone, gently squeezing my hand.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 11 Song: Honeybee/The Head and the Heart

As we camped that night we celebrated, Oghren going on and on about the fight with the dragon. He passed around his home brewed ale. I sat by the fire just listening and taking in my friends while they ate, drank, and told stories. Sitting next to Zevran I admired his markings on his face in the flickering light.

“Zev what do those designs on your face mean?” I asked studying them intently.

“They are sacred tattoos given to the mark members of the Antivan Crows. I could give you one, I learned a bit of the art,” he mused smirking. Not sure if the ale was beginning to take effect but it sounded like fun.

“You’re on! What should I get…a dragon, no. Hmm...What about a little Duke,” I exclaimed excitedly, Duke barked in agreement.

“Give me some time to set up everything then you can meet me in my tent,” Zevran explained as he rushed off towards his tent.

“Quinn, you can’t be serious! It’s permanent, you really should think this over,” Wynne admonished throwing me a disapproving look.

“If I do that I’ll never have the courage to do it. Don’t worry I will make sure it is not visible. Live a little Wynne,” I said elated poking at the fire.

“Can I watch?” Oghren leered laughing well into his cups. Alistair looked my way and shrugged his shoulders.

“Certainly not, I’m nervous as it is,” I confessed reaching out to pet Duke. “I guess I’ll go see if he is ready, good night everyone,” I called making my way to Zevran’s tent. Pulling aside the tent flap, I entered to see Zevran setting out items.

“I was just about to call you. You must know there is an entire ritual. First, I will need to bathe you in a mixture of olives and rosewater. Afterwards I will need to massage you so your skin is prepared to receive the ink,” he explained trying to look serious.

“Zev, you’re impossible! Alistair would kill you,” I shrieked tossing a pillow at this face.

“Well I suppose we can skip that part but you are certainly missing out. So what were you thinking of?” he asked preparing the needles.

“I want a rose on my ankle or should it be on my hip? I want it to be easily covered; I am concerned it will be visible on my ankle since I usually wear robes. What do you think?” I questioned sitting on the ground.

“Well my vote is the hip but I do value my life. Ankle may be the safer bet but it is up to you,” Zevran said moving bottles closer to him.

“How about somewhere in between, upper thigh. No one would see it there,” I said as Zevran gestured for me to lay down. I laid back hitching up my robe then turning on my side. I made myself comfortable as I could. Pulling a pillow between my legs to prop up my thigh. I did not ask about colors allowing Zevran to select what he thought best. I pointed out where I wanted it and about what size I was thinking. He cleaned the area first then picked up a needle.

“Are you ready?” he asked glancing up at me poised to start.

“It’s now or never,” I answered steeling myself. It hurt but the pain was bearable. Watching him work I could see the image beginning to take shape. It was a small design completed quickly enough as he dabbed at the fresh wound.

“All done, you did very well,” he began cleaning his tools and closing bottles. I cast a small healing spell and looked at what he had created. It was perfect and exactly what I wanted.

“Thank you Zev, it’s wonderful,” I exclaimed admiring his work. I pulled my robes back down and stood up. I embraced him tightly, thanking him again. I made my way to my own tent. Duke was sleeping on the floor he eyed me and went back to sleep. Alistair lying his on back in nothing but his small clothes, hands behind his head. He turned my way with a questioning look on his face. I smiled pulling my robe up over my head hanging it up. I approached the bed and lay down beside him turning on my side.

“So what do you think?” I asked throwing my leg over him. He sat up looking down and tenderly touched the small rose.

“A rose? Interesting choice,” he said sounding surprised.

“Your new weapon of choice. Every time I look at it I will remember you and that flower you picked for me in Lothering,” I recalled grinning at him. He thumbed it gazing softly into my eyes. I shifted in the cot to straddle him, taking down my hair. It fell to my shoulders I reached to unwrapped my breast band. Running my hands over his chest, I leaned down to kiss him deeply. I rubbed myself teasingly against his hardness.

“I want to try something if you’re up for it,” I charmed arching my eyebrow.

“What did you have in mind?” he asked huskily.

I slid down his body pulling his small clothes off, positioning myself between his legs. I gently stroked him up and down bringing him closer to my lips. Looking up at him, I tentatively licked his member. He arched back as I smiled to myself. Taking him in my mouth, I swirled my tongue around his head. He gasped as I eased my mouth down his length. The length I could not fit I used my hand pump him. His hands reached out to keep my hair out of my face. I sucked him softly watching as he looked on in ecstasy. Taking him from my mouth, I caressed his cock with the wetness from my saliva. I reached behind and slid my small clothes down. I climbed on top of him guiding his cock to my opening. Gliding down his firmness, I ached to feel him tight within me. His hands reached up to cup my breasts watching while I slowly rocked to my own rhythm. I adjusted myself, bouncing greedily as I threw my head back to feel every inch of him. Reaching my peak, I leaned forward to kiss him hungrily. He hands grabbed my ass as he began to thrust up matching my stride. I came shuddering my body jerking in delight as he cried out with his own release. I rolled off him onto my back still shaking from my orgasm.

“That was amazing,” he whispered still trying to draw breath.

“Well I will confess Leliana did give me some pointers,” I admitted biting my lip. He laughed to himself, holding me in his arms.

“I would have loved to be a fly on the wall for that conversation,” he confessed closing his eyes to drift off to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 12 Song: Running with the Wolves/Aurora

Arl Eamon was awake; Alistair and I passed each other looks of relief. Teagan filled him in on what had happened and was continuing to happen since he had been poisoned. Speaking with him and Teagan, we went over what our next steps would be to remove Loghain from power. Eamon explained that we must challenge him with someone who has a stronger claim to the throne. My heart sinking I knew what he meant. Eamon and Teagan both only had a claim through marriage. Alistair had kings blood making his claim better.

“What about what I want? Does anyone care what I have to say about it?” he asked his face angry.

Eamon explained that he had a responsibility and it was a choice between Loghain or Alistair ruling. Eamon asked that we meet him in Denerim while he called a Landsmeet. Gathering our party, we left for Denerim. Alistair and I barely spoke deep in our own thoughts. Entering Eamon’s estate, I made my way to his rooms to discuss our options. I met him and a woman who introduced herself as Anora’s handmaiden. She explained that the Queen is being held prisoner in Arl Howe’s estate. Loghain and Howe planned on killing her and pinning her death on Eamon.

I leapt at the chance to save the Queen hoping that perhaps she could be Fereldan’s ruler instead. We disguised ourselves breaking into Howe’s estate. I was shocked to find a Grey Warden named Riordan also a captive, freeing him we went in search of Howe. Killing him and his mage was enough to break the spell on Anora’s door. Making our way out the main entrance, we ran into a large number of guards accompanied by Ser Cauthrien. While I was trying to explain how we were freeing the Queen, Anora herself accused us of trying to kidnap her.

Overwhelmed by their forces Alistair and I found ourselves locked in a cell. Tricking the guard, we fought our way out as we ran into Sten and Wynne on their way to rescue us. We made our way back to back to Eamon’s estate. Eamon had warned me to be wary of Anora. Riordan was also at the estate, looking much better since being freed from Howe’s dungeon. I had been saving some choice words for Anora. She tried to clarify why she said what she did, reluctantly I agreed to hear her out. I headed to Anora’s room she apologized but she almost got us killed for rescuing her, there was no trust left. She asked for my support but judging from her past betrayal, I was unwilling to give it. I could see she desired power not caring whom she had to step over to get the throne. On the other hand she had ruled before with Cailan.

I thought on the choice between the two, Alistair would make a good king. He made it clear he did not want the throne but I knew if there were no choice, he would do what he needed to protect Ferelden. Wrapping up the atrocities in the Alienage, we headed back to the Landsmeet to deal with Loghain finally. Confronting Loghain after all this time I tried to keep my anger in check. He tried to spout lies to cover his own duplicity. Accusing me of kidnapping his daughter, gladly she stepped out making her presence known. To my disbelief, she told the assembly I slandered her father and was attempting to put an imposter on the throne.

My heart breaking my resolve was clear; the only option available to me was naming Alistair as King. The landsmeet made their decision overwhelmingly in my favor. I smugly asked Loghain to step down he was too far gone in his madness still not able to see reason. Not surprisingly, he attacked having no other option realizing he was lost. A man I feared and hated for so long was no match fueled by our revenge. Riordan interrupted to offer the option to make him a Grey Warden. Seeing Alistair’s reaction and knowing what I must do to him, he needed to avenge Duncan. Alistair offered to take the crown if I gave him justice. Anora tried to argue her side but her words fell on deaf ears.

“I stand by Alistair; He will be the new King,” I announced bitterly. Granting Alistair his justice, he dealt the deathblow. Loghain’s lifeblood seeped out onto the floor while his daughter wept beside his body. If he should fall in the Blight, he promised the throne to Anora. She refused to accept Alistair as King he ordered the guards imprison Anora in the tower for now. As he stepped forward to address the landsmeet, I slipped out of the throne room needing some air. I drew in ragged breaths outside struggling to keep the sobs from racking my body. I knew I should be at his side to support him but it was all too much. The thought of losing him was overwhelming, brushing away my tears I stared off into the distance.

“Quinn, Alistair has called for a small meeting. Are you alright?” Leliana asked me stroking my back lightly.

“I’m fine, just needed some air,” I replied trying to smile unable to keep my face from falling.

We all gathered in a room, as I watched him enter. The air about him had already changed. I was no longer addressing Alistair; I was in the presence of a King. He asked if we could talk, I moved away from the party to the far side of the room.

“I am not going to question why you made me King. I even think I’m starting come around on the idea; it could be an interesting future for me. But being King, that raises some questions about us.” He confirmed sounding hesitant.

“What sort of questions?” I asked keeping my voice from betraying my emotions. I knew it would come to this once I made him King. I had hoped that maybe it could turn out differently.

“First, there’s the fact that both you and I are Grey Wardens. It’s not just a question of obligation, but of blood. You know that Grey Wardens don’t usually live to become old, right?” he questioned.

“Yes, I am aware of that,” I admitted rubbing my hands nervously.

“As King, I will be required to have a child. Even more so because my death is assured. That’s assuming that someone with the taint can or even should have a child,” he explained.

“Are you asking me to have your child?” I asked confused yet hopeful.

“No I’m not. I mean…both of us have tainted blood. Both of us will die young. I will need to find a wife, one who can bear a child. Who will live to raise it? I don’t relish it, but…I will have a duty as the King. I love you. More than I ever thought possible, but…I have to face what this means. I can’t run away from it anymore,” he said sadly.

“You are the King; no one is forcing you to do anything. You can make the rules,” I insisted trying to deny what he was telling me.

“You mean…marry who I want? Carry on with whomever I want? You don’t think that would be very unfair. To my wife as well as you?” he asked not understanding.

I had mixed feelings; I meant that we could be together and forget what anyone else had to say about it. I was a noble in my own right but perhaps that was not enough. He was not asking me to be his wife. Was that because I had the taint? Alternatively, was it because I am a mage? What role would I play in his life? Could I be okay with him having a wife if I knew he loved only me? Would his wife be accepting of my relationship with him? What about this child? I was so unsure about everything now. I loved him; it was my decision for him to be King. It was only fair that I give him what he needed to feel secure in his new role.

“You should follow you heart, do what you want for once,” I accepted solemnly.

“Your right, of course your right. Damn them all. If they want me to be King, then…I’ll be King. And I’ll do exactly as I want to do. Arl Eamon has left for Redcliffe. He says the army has gathered there and is almost ready to march. We should head to Redcliffe as soon as we are ready,” he stated resolutely.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 13 Song: Lay by me/Ruben

There were too many thoughts going round and round in my head. I may die tomorrow in the Battle for all that I knew. I had to push these thoughts away and focus of on what was ahead of us. We made our way back to Redcliffe castle. That night Riordan asked Alistair and me to meet together in his room. Riordan began to explain to us how Grey Wardens are able to defeat the Archdemon. One of us in this room would have to die for us to be victorious.

I almost busted out in hysterical laughter at all that I had been through was for nothing. I was not about to let Alistair make that sacrifice, Ferelden just lost Cailan. If it came down to the two of us, it must be me. Riordan claiming to be the senior Grey Warden agreed to take this burden on himself. Aware that he may die in the battle, it was not much of a comfort.

Dazed I somehow found my way to my room. Opening the door Morrigan stood near the fireplace. She explained she knew of an old ritual, which would assure that none of us would have to die slaying the Archdemon. The ritual could only be performed tonight and only with Alistair. She requested that I convince Alistair to sleep with her tonight. From their union a child will be conceived when the Archdemon is killed its essence will be absorbed into the child. The child would be unharmed but born with the soul of an Old God. Her only condition was that I not seek her out after and the child would be hers to raise.

After all that had already happened how could I ask more of Alistair? Considering my options, I figured I could at least give him the choice in the matter. The idea of them together was hard to accept but I knew this was not about sex it was about saving Riordan, Alistair, and myself. I headed toward his room finding his door, I leaned my back against it. Looking up at the ceiling, I sighed dejected, then drew in a deep breath. I opened his door to find him pacing the room.

“I see you can’t sleep either,” he observed from my pale face.

“Alistair we need to talk,” I muttered regretfully.

“That’s never good to hear. I saw Morrigan in your room did she say something to you?” he asked studying my face.

“You know I love you, right?” I probed twisting my hands.

“Alright, now you are beginning to scare me. Tell me, already, before I imagine the worst,” he ventured pointedly.

“What if I told you there was a way to avoid dying tomorrow? Your wildest dreams come true. You just need to have sex with Morrigan as part of a magic ritual,” I attempted to sound light hearted but failed utterly.

“That’s funny, is this payback for all the jokes, right? However, I can see you are not joking. Well I don’t know which is worst being killed by the Archdemon or sleeping with Morrigan. You’re not actually asking me this are you?” He inquired determinedly lowering his head in his hands.

“One of us will need to die, I accept that. Riordian has already volunteered, but what if none of us has to die. If you do not want to do it, I will accept that. However, you must promise me that if Riordan should not be able to sacrifice himself you must allow me to do it. You are Fereldan’s King now the people have lost too much already. No one will miss a mage, if I do die maybe people will look kinder on mages. I will not lie to you, she said this ritual will produce a child,” I admitted, scared of what his response may be.

“I can’t promise you that! Does Morrigan want to place this child on the throne? What can she have to gain from this? Let’s say I agree to do this, is this what you really want?” he asked his voice rising.

“Of course not, I do not want this anymore than you do. I also don't want you or I to die tomorrow. She swore we would never see her again after we kill the Archdemon. She assured me that the child would not be harmed. It is your choice, I figured I owed you this much after naming you King. I am the one always making these terrible decisions. I thought you would at least want a say in what happens tomorrow. I love you no matter what you choose,” I insisted weary at the prospects of this day.

“If this is what you think is best…I’ll do it. Let’s get this over with before I change my mind,” he said in a quipped voice.

I followed him out of the room, silence fell between us and we reached my room. We entered my eyes kept darting around the room unsure of what to say.

“What is it to be, then? Has a decision been reached?” Morrigan asked matter of fact.

“Alistair has agreed to your…request,” I explained swallowing the lump in my throat. Alistair typically reverted to making jokes.

“I thank you for your understanding, Quinn. Let’s us go to my room Alistair,” Morrigan said sauntering out with Alistair following begrudgingly.

I stared at the fire for a while trying not to imagine what was happening between them. Taking off my robe, I scrambled into the bed. Did I just make the wrong decision again? How many sacrifices would I have to make? What toll would all this take, was it worth it if he hates me? All of the stress of the day was catching up to me. I finally fell asleep tears still wet on my cheeks. A shifting in the bed woke me I turned to see Alistair climbing into bed. I was surprised he came back, figuring he would be upset with me. Not sure of what to say I just pressed myself to his side. Reaching out I placed my hand on his heart to feel its beating. I smiled knowing that at least I did not have to say good-bye to him tomorrow if all went as planned.

“We can talk about it if you want,” he offered stroking my back.

“I’d rather never speak of it again if that is ok with you,” I croaked looking up into his eyes.

“Normally I would make a joke but too much has happened today. I want to end this day with you in my arms,” he soothed softly kissing the top of my head.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 14 Song: Seafret/Oceans

We won…the Blight has ended. Riordain perished in the battle, Alistair struck the killing blow to the Archdemon. Morrigan’s ritual had worked just as she had promised she disappeared soon after. Our friendship was difficult to describe but we understood one another. Once you broke through her tough exterior, she could be vulnerable. I missed her company despite her cold hearted demeanor. The darkspawn were retreating back to the deep roads. Everyone was celebrating as we all gathered to watch Alistair be crowned king. I stood aside saying good-bye to some friends, others offering to stay for a while.

Days turned into weeks and I began to notice more changes in Alistair. He no longer came to my room afraid there would be talk in the castle. He would blame his long nights on his official duties but would not allow me to help. He always seemed in a rush whenever he spent time with me. I wondered if I had asked too much of him. By allowing him to sleep with Morrigan, did I push him further away? I hated to admit it but our relationship was different now. When I tried to broach the subject, he would brush me off excusing himself with this or that task he forgotten about.

The idea of being married and having children had never become so important to me. Growing up in the Circle I was all too familiar with what was and was not allowed. I knew of special instances where mages are granted permission to marry but children were completely off limits. The Chantry would take and raise children born to a mage. In the cases where the child was also found to be a mage the mother and child would be separated at different Circles. I supposed because it was not allowed it only set to fuel my desire. I knew marriage was out of the question. Nevertheless, I was getting older and the idea of a child a mixture of the both of us overwhelmed my thoughts.

I found myself spending more and more time in the library. Learning all I could about Grey Wardens and Kings of the past. I suddenly came across a parchment that had me on my feet. It was a fascinating account of a elf mage who became a Grey Warden named Fiona. Breathlessly I read she was a recruit along with Duncan and Riordan. The account went on to explain how she was removed from the Grey Wardens as it was discovered she no longer affected by the taint. Duke barked while I jumped up and down elated. I ran back to the palace to share what I had found with Alistair. I approached his door to hear laughter coming from inside. I eyed the two guards standing outside who stared straight ahead. Knocking, the laughter continued as I heard Alistair calling, “You may enter.”

I walked slowly into the room closing the door behind myself. I found Alistair sitting rather close to an attractive young woman. There were several blocks of cheese set out on the table. Alistair seeing it was I, got up abruptly.

“Quinn, I thought you were in the library? May I introduce Arlessa Rena West she is visiting from Orlais. Rena let me introduce you to the Hero of Ferelden,” Alistair introduced me, pulling out a seat for me.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. Nice to meet you Rena,” I imparted nodding to her. She was dressed smartly if not a little too revealing to my tastes. Her yellow hair artfully styled she looked irritated as she nibbled on a tiny cube of cheese. I waved away the seat he had pulled out for me. Duke bounded into the room catching sight of the pretty woman. He began to sniff furiously at her skirts. She looked uncomfortable laughing nervously while trying to push him away.

“Bad doggie, down” she cried looking to me for help.

“Duke, go to your bed! Alistair if you have some time later I have something important I need to show you,” I implored trying to get across the significance.

“Alright, I have some time before I meet with Arl Bryland. You can wait for me in my study,” he directed sitting back down. As I walked out to the room, the Arlessa was complaining about never being able to get the dog smells out of her dress. I waited in his study, looking around at the decorations. I stuffed down the jealousy I felt rising at the fact that we never spent time together. Obviously, he had kingly duties that required him to wine and dine nobles all the time. Shaking off the doubts that crept in I approached a display case that held Duncan’s shield. I remembered the day I found it and how important it was to Alistair. I smiled remembering how sweet and affectionate he used to be. The doors banged open jarring me from my revelry.

“What did want to show me?” he asked sitting down at his desk. I came over to his side and spread out the parchment I found in the library.

“This is a description of a Grey Warden who was cured of the taint. See here she was a Grey Warden along with Duncan and Riordan,” I explained excitedly pointing out the words.

“And…” he drawled in impatience.

“Don’t you see? If one Grey Warden has found a cure for the taint, surely it can happen again. Alistair you told me that passing on your bloodline was important to you. Not just that but you would no longer be affected by the calling. If I can find this former Grey Warden maybe she can lead me to a cure. It says here that after they removed her from the Grey Wardens she went back to the Montsimmard Circle. I would like to go there and at least see what she has to say,” I admitted looking to him for approval. He studied the document frowning not convinced.

“If that is what you want to do, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt,” he agreed sighing. I hugged him from behind pressing my head to his.

“I would like for you to think on this while I am gone. If I can find a cure, could you consider having a child with me? I don't care whether it is a secret or not. I have been thinking about it a lot, I want a child. You had reservations when you became King but that was because we were both Grey Wardens. I know you have so much to deal with but maybe this child could bring us closer,” I chattered talking too fast.

“Quinn, I just don’t see how that it possible. But I will think on it if you insist,” he disclosed rubbing his eyes.

“That’s all I ask. I’m going to go pack!” I squealed pecking him on the cheek practically running out the door.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 15 Song: You Don’t Know/Katelyn Tarver

Before leaving, I wanted to leave a present for Alistair. I braided my long hair now falling past my shoulders. I cut off the braid leaving my hair short at my jaw line. Pinning a note to it, I left it on his desk to find later. He was busy all day so I was unable to say a proper good bye. I stopped by to visit with Leliana who happened to be visiting in Denerim on business from the Chantry.

“Leliana, would you do me a favor?” I asked her feeling hesitant.

“Of course, ask me anything,” she said smoothing down my newly cut hair.

“While I’m gone can you keep an eye on Alistair? He has so much stress these days, I am worried it’s starting to affect him,” I admitted biting my lip.

“Don’t you worry, my dear. I will make sure he is happy and not missing you too much,” she understood hugging me tight as we said our goodbyes.

I decided to take Duke, Zevran, and Oghren with me. Shale and Wynne left to travel to Minrathous in Tevinter. Sten had returned to his people in Par Vollen. Setting out for Montsimmard I had not realized how much I missed traveling. I had never been to Orlais before I was looking forward to some excitement. Duke overjoyed bounded ahead and quickly doubled back to hurry us on. We needed no encouragement; all of us were thrilled to be traveling once again. Making light talk, I informed them about Enchanter Illana Montsimmard.

“I remember reading about her, when she started exhibiting magic abilities she was sent to the Circle of Magi. Normally parents are ashamed of their children becoming mages. Illana’s parents supported her and were very involved with her career,” I announced looking to my companions.

“What of your parents?” Zevran asked tossing a stick for Duke.

“My mother died giving birth to me. My father blamed me for that, when I began to manifest magic he was glad to have me taken away to the circle,” I answered matter of fact. Duke came running back a stick bared between his teeth. He dropped it at my feet looking down I saw it was covered in drool and dirt.

“Duke, what do you call that which covers a tree?” Zevran joked noticing my melancholy. Duke barked loudly looking from me to Zevran. I laughed heartily clutching at my sides, Duke tilting his head his expression puzzled.

“What did I miss?” Oghren asked peering over at us.

“Just Zevran telling a terrible joke. We should find a spot to camp before the sun goes down,” I reported scanning the landscape.

The next day we all cheered when we hit the border to Orlais. I began to notice the differences as we drew closer to our destination. The clothes were so much more elaborate and colorful. As we reached the city of Verchiel, our presence was widely talked about. A mage, elf, dwarf, and a mabari traveling together is quite the sight. Duke did not know what to make of a small toy dog held in the arms of a terrified noble woman. Forced to yank him away by his collar while he whined intensely.

“Ah, the bustle of the Orlais city. The pickpocket’s home away from home!” Zevran rejoiced taking in the hubbub.

“Look at that. Nobles all around the world are all the same. Drinking overpriced swill and talking about their clothes,” Oghren sneered gesturing to group of nobleman.

“Let’s try to find an inn to sleep in tonight, we should reach Montsimmard tomorrow,” I advised pointing to it in the distance.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 16: Love Won’t Let Me Leave/Seafret

I was sitting one of the loveliest rooms, I had ever seen. I sat by the fireplace in a large ornate chair. The walls curved high into an elegantly decorated ceiling. A painting over the fireplace was an image of serene garden. Candle light glowed all around me. The door opened and in walked a slight woman with the most amazing grey green eyes. I stood up quickly glancing down embarrassed at my own robes as they were not as fashionable. Short black hair prominently displayed her pointed ears. The sharp angles of her pinched face gave way to a somewhat familiar looking jawline. She was small but the power that proceeded her was impressive.

“Please have a seat,” she gestured to the chair I was just sitting in. Sitting across from me I just stared open mouthed. “Well, what an honor to be told the Hero of Ferelden wants to speak with me,” she quipped tilting her head to look me over.

“The honor is all mine. I have so many questions to ask you…” losing train of thought I tried to gather my courage. “I ran across a document stating that you were a Grey Warden with Riordan and Duncan,” I declared as the door opened again. A servant set down two cups and left without a word.

“Yes, that was very long ago. Duncan and I…we were fellow Wardens but also very good friends,” she said reaching for her cup and delicately sipping from it. “Try it, its spice wine the best in Orlais,” she indicated. I picked up my cup inhaling the sweet spices that wafted in the air. Trying a small sip, I smiled at the warm sensation.

“Duncan recruited me from the Circle Tower; I could never thank him enough for picking me. He died after I was initiated, I still think at times that I should have been by his side on the battlefield in Ostagar,” I admitted solemnly drinking another mouthful.

“I was sad to hear he had died in combat. Gossip has been spreading about King Alistair fighting with you in the battle at Denerim. Are you the only two Grey Warden’s left in Ferelden?” she asked staring hard at my face.

“Yes, Alistair killed the Archdemon. We are the only Grey Wardens that I know of in Ferelden. He is the reason I came here wanting to speak with you,” I commented gripping my cup tightly, I set it down.

“How does your fellow Grey Warden like becoming King? Must be quite a change for him. I knew his father King Maric; he had such hopes for his son. Is he happy?” she questioned her voice sounding tight.

“No, not really. He never wanted to be King. He was happy as a Grey Warden though,” I confessed sadly looking down at my hands.

“So why do you seek the first Warden ever to be kicked out, quite an achievement,” she scoffed taking another sip of her wine.

“How were you cured of the taint?” I asked leaning forward to hear the answer.

“I was given an amulet from a creature who called himself the Architect. It was supposed to accelerate the taint but it did the opposite. My fellow Wardens felt like I had cheated death they made me leave once they learned I could not undertake the Joining. Is that what you came, for a cure?” she asked sharply. “You no longer wish to be a Grey Warden?”

“I adore being a Grey Warden. Alistair needs to produce a child, for the throne he will need to carry on the Theirin line,” I explained looking away nervously.

“Why would he need a cure? Some Grey Wardens can still conceive a child. He is still new to the taint, his chances at this time are quite good,” she said her eyes trained on my face.

“You grew up in the circle the same as I. You must have felt I way I did. The freedom I feel as a Grey Warden. We aren’t even allowed to marry or have children. They lock us away for just being born with magic. Haven’t you ever been in love?” I cried desperately my eyes grown wide.

“You don’t want this cure for him; you want it for the both of you...You remind me of myself when I was your age,” she shook her head. “I will help you but you must know you are on a fruitless task. Even if you succeed, the people will never accept you at his side. If they find out you carry a child that child will be taken away to the Chantry. You will only gain a broken heart, I warn you,” she warned setting down her cup with a bang.

“I don’t care,” I confessed bitterly. She described where I could find this Architect in the deep roads. She advised me again to forget this and go back to Ferelden or Weisshaupt. I thanked her and made my way back to my waiting companions.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 17 Song: Where’s My Love/SYML

Fiona described an entrance to the deep roads called Dragon Bones Wastes. Attacked by darkspawn and a new creature with spider like feet and small claws for hands. They had bug like bodies with faces that looked terrifyingly human. Not surprising there was an old dragon in the center of the ruins. Walking past dragon bones and ruins, we discovered a door sealed by rocks. Casting earthquake I dislodged the covered entry. Entering a large hall, I sensed not just darkspawn but something older. Fighting darkspawn and ogres, we headed down spiraled stairs. Sensing that strange presence again, I looked up to see a frightening being. Somewhat human but wholly disfigured with an elongated crown like head. His chest appeared to be inside out. I could not tell if he was wearing armor or this was how his body had naturally formed. Veins crisscrossed his face and arms into long claw like fingers. At his side was a dwarf dark circles under her eyes, her faced pocked with sores. She drew her weapon not saying a word. He cautioned her as he said he wished to speak with us. Floating down to stand at our level it was then I realized he had no eyes. Duke growled at his presence crossing to stand in front of me.

"What are you? I saw Grey Wardens bodies as I entered this place. Are you the Architect?" I questioned feeling apprehensive. 

“My kind as ever been driven to seek out the Old Gods, this is our nature. When we find one, a new blight is begun. Each time we attack your surface lands and you fight back until we are defeated. To break the cycle my brethren must be freed of their compulsion. For that I need Grey Warden blood,” he advised, Duke began to whine.

“You’re trying to stop the Blight?” I queried not believing as I placed a hand on Duke’s head.

“Hundreds of thousands of my kind are killed before each Blight is ended. It is a plague on our race. We do not began a Blight because we crave power or destruction. We obey the call of the Old Gods…without choice,” he reasoned.

“Why do you need a Grey Warden blood?” I asked glancing at my companions.

“In order to become what you are, you drink the blood of my kind. To transform. Similarly, we must transform. I have created a version of your Joining that uses the blood of Grey Wardens. You take the taint into yourself. What we take is your resistance. That is how my brethren are freed. In your blood lies the key to their immunity against the call of the Old Gods. Once freed, the darkspawn think for themselves, they speak, they act. Some, however, have reacted poorly. They are flawed and they rage again me. My creation the Mother gathers them to stop me…as she seeks to stop you. I cannot defeat the Mother alone, and I cannot free the darkspawn unless she is defeated. Our goals are the same,” he solicited gesturing toward the Mother’s nest.

“A former Grey Warden was given an amulet by you that hastened the taint. As a result, the taint she carried was cured. I came here in search of such an item. I will kill this creature you call the Mother if you can recreated this amulet?” I inquired crossing my arms in front of my body.

“Help me kill the Mother and after it is done, I will give you what you seek,” he stated floating to her nest.

I had seen a Broodmother before but this Mother was truly terrifying. As her face split open as her distressing screams echoed off the cavern walls. It was not an easy fight, her children joined in the battle. One of her tendrils knocked me to the ground. My head spinning I glanced up to see its sharp barbed point aimed for my chest. Attempting to get to my feet the tendril drove toward me, something blurred across my vision as I braced for the blow. Opening my eyes, the tendril was gone; I began cast spells in rapid succession. The mother crumbled onto her burning body she as she died wailing. Looking around at my companions, I noticed Duke lying in the dirt. Running to him I turned him over seeing several puncture wounds to his body. He was still struggling to breathe, softly whimpering. I held him close stroking his back as he took his last breaths. Zevran and Oghren stood on either side of me, their hands on my shoulders. I sobbed shaking my head back and forth. I laid him back down stepping away to wipe my face. I gently took off his collar putting it in a pocket of my robe. I could not leave him down here. I stood back taking one last look at his face now peaceful in death. I stroked his fur one last time whispering sorry. I stood back and cast flame blast until all that left of him was ashes. I scooped what I could into a small box Zevran handed me.

Staring at the amulet back in camp all I could see was Duke’s final moments. I must test this cure to make sure Alistair could safely take it. My hand shaking I placed the amulet over my head to settle unto my chest. I felt strange sensations reminding me of my Joining. Weakly I feel to the ground my eyes closed as waves of dizziness passed over me. I heard Oghren shout out and hands turning me over. All was blackness as I sank into its depths. I woke hours later judging from the light. I was incredibly weak and thirsty; I sat up slowly with a groan. Zevran’s worried face appeared in front of me.

“We took the amulet off you, we weren’t sure what to do,” Oghren gestured to it on the floor. I carefully picked it up and placed in deep within my pack.

“I’m sorry I scared you, I needed to make sure it was not dangerous,” I explained reaching for water offered to me. Drinking deeply my headache eased but still a dull ache.

“Did it work…the cure?” Zevran asked taking back the cup.

“Yes, I can no longer sense the darkspawn,” I admitted holding my head. “We should head back as soon as we can, maybe buy some horses in Verchiel.”

“You should rest more, you look very pale,” Zevran worried as he helped me lay back down. Tears slipped from my eyes, images of Duke flashing through my mind. I am a no longer a Grey Warden.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 18 Song: Hurts like Hell/Fleurie

Striding back into the palace, I had imagined my homecoming quite different. I made my way to my room, sitting on my bed. I was still weak from the taint leaving my body. Looking over I noticed Duke’s empty bed in the corner. A heard a soft knock on my door. “Yes?” I called rubbing the back of my neck. Looking over I saw Leliana a strange look on her face. “Hi,” I cried faintly.

“Quinn, I’m not sure how to say this…” Leliana drew out, sitting beside me and taking my hand.

“Say what? Is Alistair okay? You’re scaring me,” I trembled fear settling into my body.

“You asked me watch out for Alistair. I need to tell you that he has been fooling around with one of the kitchen maids. I am not sure how far it is gone but I overheard her talking about in the kitchens. I’m so sorry…” she gulped squeezing my hand. I stared at her not understanding. Taking deep breaths, I tried to rationalize.

“You must have heard wrong…he…he wouldn’t do that,” I stuttered shaking my head. Bounding up off the bed, I steadied myself. “I must speak with him.”

“I wish so badly I was wrong but I had to tell you, it’s not right,” she demanded watching me cautiously.

Striding out of the room, I stumbled over to his chambers. His guards eyed me but stood by the door not moving. I pushed open the door without knocking. As I moved to his bedchamber door, I heard the all too familiar sounds of sex. A sob tore from my throat as I wrenched open the door. Alistair’s back to me as he fucked a woman bent over on his bed. My eyes would simply not believe it, I watched as he rutted away at companion. Her elicit cries echoing off the walls.

“Alistair…” I sobbed my arms coming up to hug myself. He turned shocked to see me diving for the blankets trying to cover himself. A blonde haired woman looked my way, I recognized as Rena West. I walked out numbly, closing both doors behind me. I staggered back to my room my heart breaking with every step. I found Leliana still sitting on my bed. “Leliana, I…I can’t right now. Could you leave me please? I’m sorry,” I choked. Seeing my face and body language, she made for the door.

“I’m so sorry, Quinn. I’m here if you need me…”she trailed off as she closed the door behind her. I collapsed on the floor, beating my fists on the stone ground. Crying I let out a fierce scream that mirrored my despair. I sat there trying to catch my breath, looking down I noticed my hands were bloody. Shaking I picked myself up off the ground. Wiping my face on a cloth, I dabbed at the cuts I inflicted on myself. Picking up my pack, I began to throw in clothes and trinkets. My door opened quickly, Alistair stepped into the room closing the door behind him. He was dressed now but his hair a mess.

“I’m sorry you had to see that…” he struggled to find words.

“I’m not; I just wished I had known earlier. What a great King you turned out to be. I thought you wanted people to like you for who you are,” I snapped not able to look at him.

“You made me King! You knew I did not want this, never wanted it. What did you think would happen we would end up happily ever after? I can’t have mage as mistress let alone queen,” he barked stepping closer.

“The choices were always mine to make! You were only too happy for me to make all the decisions. Nevertheless, you judged every one of them. You were the senior Warden but you always deferred to me. Why was that? I never thought that you of all people would hurt me, after all that we have been through,” I cried backing away, clenching my hands tight.

“It was nothing, she meant nothing. You have to believe me,” he insisted taking another step.

“Who Rena or the kitchen maid? You of all people…I thought I knew you,” I scoffed shaking my head angrily. He face registered surprise that I knew about the other woman. Maker knows how many there have been.

“You didn’t have a problem with sleeping with Morrigan. You practically forced me!” he yelled his eyes widening in panic.

“Forced you? That was your decision. She was my friend and she offered us a way to save each other’s lives. Maybe you would have been better off if it was me being sacrificed,” I berated grabbing for my pack. He noticed my hands bleeding freshly with concern.

“Your hurt, please let me call for a healer,” he offered stepping closer trying to examine my hands.

“Don’t you dare touch me, get out!” I screamed pointing towards the door.

“Quinn, please you have to let me explain,” He whined backing towards the door.

“Its way past time for that, I said get out!” I roared advancing on him. He rushed out the door leaving it open. I grabbed my pack and headed anywhere but here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OUCH!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 19 Song: Dynasty/Miia

I found Leliana in her room, sitting by the fire. She jumped up from her chair rushing over to me. Wrapping her arms around me as I fell apart. Stunned to silence she helped me to her bed; thankfully, I drifted off to sleep. I awoke the next morning, Leliana asleep beside me. I crept out of bed and sat down at her desk. I wrote out a letter, tears coursing down my cheeks to drop onto the paper. Wiping my face, I sealed the letter propping it up on the desk. Finding my pack on the ground, I pulled out the amulet and placed it with the letter. I sat down beside Leliana and kissed the top of her head. She woke slowly seeing me sitting beside her as she smiled at me sadly.

“I won’t ask how you are. What will you do?” she inquired sitting up.

“I have to go, I don’t know where yet. I just cannot be here anymore. I left some things for Alistair on your desk, please see that he gets them,” I pointed out. “I’ll write to you at the Chantry once I am settled. Thank you for being there and always watching my back. Can you say good-bye to everyone for me? I can’t face the questions,” I added taking her hand.

“Do what you need to. I hope you find some peace. You of all people deserve that,” she urged patting my hand. I scooped up my pack making my way to the door. I turned and blew her a kiss as I left out the door heading for the back passage.

Alistair,

As you may have guessed, I am gone. I cannot stay at the palace. I am not sure why you chose to push me away. I imagine you held me responsible for naming you King, which I knew you never wanted. For what it is worth, I am sorry. I should have left sooner to join the remaining Grey Wardens in Weisshaupt. It was selfish of me to try to stay by your side. I am not sure what I expected to happen but certainly not this. I don't know why I thought we could ever marry let alone have a child? I thought that since we saved the world we were allowed something normal. I believed we could make the rules no matter what the rest of the world thought. Reading this now it is all so absurd but being in love will do that to you. I did find the cure for the taint. Recklessly I used the cure on myself. Now cured of the taint, I will never be accepted back into the Grey Wardens. I left you the amulet that contains the cure if that is something you still want. You will feel weak for days but free of the taint you should be able to bear a child and live a long life. I regret that it all turned out differently then we both hoped. If I could change one thing, it would be not taking Duke with me. I blame myself entirely for his death, as it was needless now. However, if I were honest I still would not want to change anything even losing Duke. I needed to know that we could never overcome the many obstacles set before us. We had something special or at least it was to me. I would have never known love or freedom the way I experienced it with you. Please try to find some happiness that is all I ever wanted for you truly. Please do me a favor and do not try to find me, it cannot be mended. I loved you the moment I met you so long ago in Ostagar. My companion, my fellow Grey Warden, as I knew you best just Alistair. I will cherish the memories we made together.

-Quinn


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 20 Song: Already Gone/Sleeping at Last
> 
> Sorry for the short chapter, next one will make up for it.

Setting out on my own, I felt horrible not saying good-bye to my friends. I camped outside of Lothering trying to decide what my next move would be. Not being a Grey Warden I knew the only options available to me was going back to the Circle or becoming an apostate. The Circle Tower being the only other home I knew it seemed like the best option. I discerned Templars would hunt me eventually using my phylactery. I thought about writing to Irving but figured it was best just to head there since it would only take a few days anyways.

I met a traveling merchant on the road who recognized me. Finding a small golden locket among his wares, I tried to purchase it. He refused my coin saying it was the least he could do for the Hero. I easily found the spot where Duke had greeted me on the Imperial Highway outside of Lothering. I looked around for a shady tree he would have liked to mark. Digging a small hole under the tree, I sat down beside it. Taking out a small box from my pack, I opened it to take a pinch of ashes. I placed a tiny bit his ashes into the small gold locket clasping it around my neck. I placed the small box deep into the hole and covered it with earth.

“You were a faithful and loyal companion to the end. I keep expecting to turn around and see you bounding up to me. I feel so lost without you; I wish you were by my side still. I will never forget you or the sacrifice you made for me,” I spoke to the wind. Dusting myself off, I set out for Kinloch Hold.

Some of the faces back home were familiar but most were new which was hopeful. Major progress was noticable after the destruction Uldred had reaped. Escorted to First Enchanter Irving’s study he welcomed me warmly. I told him everything that had happened since I last saw him but did not touch on my relationship with Alistair. His was ecstatic to have me back and set about finding me a room. I set into a routine as the weeks and months passed by. I earned the rank of Enchanter after a time and given several students to teach. Being back was strange but in my students, I began to see that I could make a difference. First Enchanter Irving sat in on my classes, praising me for topics and application. As the Hero of Ferelden we recieved more donations as well as new students, bringing life back to the tower.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 21 Song: Falling/Trevor Daniel  
> Enchanter-Dragon Age Inquisition Music & Lyrics: Raney Shockne; Vocals: Elizaveta Khripounova Guitar: Nick Stoubis  
> Once We Were-Dragon Age Inquisition Music & Lyrics: Raney Shockne; Vocals: Elizaveta Khripounova Guitar: Nick Stoubis

Finishing my lecture on how to spot a blood mage and protective spells to counter them my students filed out of the classroom. I collected my notes intending to head back to my office. My back to the class, I sighed gathering my things.

“Quinn?” someone called. I turned to see who was calling. Turning around I caught sight of a striking man, instantly recognizing his face. A few years older but there was no mistaking him. In fact, he was even more handsome then I remembered as a young girl. His blonde hair was less curly then I remembered almost matched his amber colored eyes. A shadow of goatee was still visible and there were small lines at the corners of his eyes and mouth.

“Cullen?” I asked surprised. 

“I always wondered if I would ever run into you again,” he said rubbing the back of his neck.

“You look good, are you back at the tower as well?” I asked my eyes drinking him in.

“No, I'm just overseeing some new recruits. I wanted to face my fears by coming back,” he explained looking around the room.

“I had heard that you were recovering in Greenfell. I always wondered how you faired, how are you?” I asked reaching out slowly to grasp his arm. I had expected him to jerk away but he only smiled warmly.

“Better every day. I'm so glad I ran into you, would you have dinner with me tonight, I would love to catch up,” he inquired his face hopeful.

“Yes!” I said high pitched and too quickly, his smile pulled to one side of his face.

“Great how about your office around seven, I'll bring everything,” he imparted heading out of the room.

“Alright, I’ll see you then,” I said nervously.

I paced my office, checking my hair for the sixth time. He did not seem angry or upset but actually happy to see me. The last time I saw him he was holding unto a small shred of sanity. The vicious words spilled from his mouth had me in tears. It was troubling to see a man I greatly admired turned into terrified cruel person who was convinced that every mage was an abomination waiting to happen. A soft rapt on my door broke my memory from the past.

“Come in,” I called. He swung open the door carrying a large basket.

“Hope you like minced meat pie,” he asked. He closed the door, I gestured to the small table set in the corner of my office.

“I do, especially the way Ms. Bailey prepares it,” I said delighted. He set down the large basket and began to set items onto the table. He held out a bottle of wine, which I accepted. I inspected it with surprise. “Ms. Bailey let you have a bottle of her homemade dandelion wine as well. We usually only have it at Wintersend,” I remarked. We both sat down on either side of the table.

“Yes, she remembered me and how I used to beg her for treats when I was stationed here. She used to make these little chocolate cookies that reminded me of my mother's,” he reminisced smiling sadly.

“I remember those as well, you would pass them to me secretly in the halls. I would eat them in my room so no one would find out,” I admitted smiling.

“You remember that? I have to admit I was not a model Templar,” he acknowledged.

“Actually I think you were exactly what a Templar should be. You were always so kind to me. I will never forget that. Most of the Templars were scary especially when I was younger, but not you,” I said. He grinned tightly as an awkward silence filled the room.

“We should eat, no?” he asked. He set about serving the meal, passing me a plate heaped with food. I busied myself opening the wine and pouring it into two small glasses.

“Your hair is much shorter than I remember it, I like it,” he remarked looking me over.

“Thank you, I’m still trying to get used to it myself,” I admitted nervously fussing with it.

“So after leaving the tower, becoming a Grey Warden how did you manage to find yourself back here?” he asked eating a forkful of pie.

“It's a long story,” I avoided taking a large swallow of wine.

“Well…we have all night,” he said as he raised his glass and took a drink as well. I sighed pushing the food around my plate.

“Well after saving the world from the Blight. I sought to find a cure of the taint all Grey Wardens carry…and I did. Rendering me a Grey Warden no longer. I decided to return to the Circle. I thought I could still do some good here. I am a Senior Enchanter now, I think Irving is mentoring me for his position,” I explained taking another long drink.

“Interesting...there seem to be some pieces missing or omitted from your story. Which begs the question, why did you not want to be a Grey Warden?” he asked staring at me intently. I picked at my food frowning.

“I...it was a choice I made. I loved being a Grey Warden, I would have remained so but I wanted something more,” I said my voice sounding far away. 

“And what was that?” he questioned taking another drink.

“A child…with a man I loved. Grey Wardens can have children but it is difficult, let only two Grey Wardens trying. Seems foolish now but at the time I wanted so badly for us to be together. I willingly gave up my calling to be a Grey Warden for it,” I said bitterly, taking a bite of pie.

“What happened if you don't mind my asking?” he asked sitting back.

“I'm a mage, Cullen. That is what happened. I put a King on a throne that did not want to be King. All the decisions I made blew up in my face in the end,” I said with resolve.

“So the rumors about you and Alistair are true?” he queried staring at me intently.

“Yes, I searched for a cure so he could pass on his line. It was irrational to think he would want me carry his child. The people of Ferelden would never accept a mage as queen. Well enough of me. Care to share your own sad tale?” I said my voice heavy with emotion, pouring myself another glass.

“I suppose it's only fair. After you left, I tried to stay here but I couldn't keep it together. The memories what I saw, what was an illusion, haunted me. I took some time away, spent a lot of time in the Chantry. Eventually I was able to see clearly about what I had went through. I refused to let it define me. I pledged to do my duty to keep my fellow Templars safe as well as mages under my charge. I worked my way up to Knight Captain in Kirkwall,” he said taking another bite. A soft lilting voice accompanied by a lute drifting over from the next room. “What is that?” he asked after taking a mouthful of wine. Sophia began playing “Enchanter”, her sweet voice filling the room.

“Sophia, one of my students she is in the music room next door. She is delighted with a lute she found in an old storeroom. It is one of the benefits of my office. I hear her playing some nights and it comforts me. It reminds me of an old friend; she has a lovely voice as well. Do you like Kirkwall? We have heard troubling stories,” I asked taking another mouthful of food.

“Kirkwall has become a powder keg, the distrust between the mages and Templars are coming to a head. Some Templars from Kirkwall have requested to be posted elsewhere which is part of the reason I came back here,” he explained setting down his fork.

“And the other reason?” I asked tasting more wine while leaning forward.

“To see you…I pretended earlier that I happened to run into you. I received a letter saying you had arrived back at the Circle. As several Templars requested a transfer I volunteered to settle them in, in the hope of seeing you,” he replied taking another sip of wine swallowing hard.

“Why would you want to see me?” I asked confused, staring at my hands.

“To apologize…” He stood up and kneeled at my feet, reaching over he grasped both my hands in his. “I am sorry that I took out what happened to me that day on you. I think about that night every day. You never deserved that, you were trying to help. I cannot go back and change what I said to you. It is what brought me back really, you. Your ability to see the situation as it is and still try to do what is right. There are dangerous mages but there are also dangerous people in this world. You cannot write off an entire class of people just because of one bad experience. Say you forgive me, please,” he asked fervently his eyes pleading. I stared into his face struck by what I had just heard, tears spilled from my eyes. “Please don’t cry. You helped me so much. I don’t want to think about what I would have done if you had not come along. I just so glad I got the chance to tell you,” he said wiping away my tears with his calloused thumbs.

“I thought that you hated me, it’s a relief to hear you say otherwise. Thank you, Cullen. You don't know how much I needed to hear that. Of course I forgive you” I said my eyes shining with tears.

“No more crying, this is a time for celebrating,” he announced standing back up. He sat back in his chair handing me my glass of wine and clinking it with his.

“The music is beautiful, she is very talented,” he said lightly swaying his head to the music. I scrutinized him as he closed his eyes enjoying the song. I smiled happy to see him at peace, knowing what we both had been through that terrible day at Kinloch Hold. His eyes opened and caught me watching him. Sophia ended her song the silence settled around us. She started up again with “Once We Were”; he stood and offered his hand to me. I gave him a puzzled look.

“Would you dance with me, I will warn you I’m not very good?” he said smiling. I seized his hand as he led me to the center of the room.

“Then we will make a fine pair. I have never really danced, there were balls at the castle but Grey Wardens were never asked to dance,” I said unsure of how to begin. His arm encircled my waist while his hand still clasped mine bringing it to his shoulder holding it there.

“Just follow my lead, it’s really just swaying,” he instructed moving to the music. I watched his feet trying to set a pace. Stepping on his foot almost instantly, he laughed. “Don’t watch your feet, here try this way,” he said pressing his body to mine. He swayed me gently from side to side. I rested my head on his shoulder, surprised by how good it felt to be this close to another person again. He smelled of elderflowers and oak moss. Rocking side to side, I closed my eyes. I felt him press his lips to the top of my head. I raised my head to gaze up at his face staring back at me.

“This is nice. I am pleased my first dance was with you,” I said not breaking our eye contact.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked shyly.

“You just want to be able to brag that you kissed the Hero of Ferelden” I joked.

“You must know that is not true. I think I fell for you the moment I met you. I remember it like yesterday you were practicing a fireball spell that blew you back. You fell into a potted plant completely covered in dirt. Most girls would have thrown a fit about getting dirty. You were so proud of yourself, you were beaming,” he said softly stroking his thumb against the back of my hand. I stared at his lips, licking mine in anticipation.

“You promise to not run away this time,” I asked teasing.

“I will have to go back to Kirkwall in a few weeks’ time but while I’m here I would like to get to know you better. We can talk about the logistics of mage and a Templar relationship later. I just don’t want to regret never having kissed you,” he said his eyes filled with longing.

The word relationship conjured up all kinds of feelings and fears. My hands climbed to encircle his neck pulling his face to mine. He hungrily pressed his mouth to mine. He sucked on my lower lip, his mouth parted pressing his tongue against my lips. I opened for him eagerly his hands in my hair. All of my previous experiences kissing they were always gentle and sweet. His kiss was different it felt like he wanted to consume me and I gave myself up to it happily. His kiss passionately almost veering on aggressive. Relishing in being desired again, I had not realized how much I had missed being wanted. I felt like I was drowning and only this kiss would sustain me. I moaned into his mouth, which only spurned him on even more. He tasted deliciously warm and soft flavored with wine. He finally broke our kiss to lock his eyes on mine.

“I’m sorry, was that too much? I don’t know what came over me,” he said his voice breathy. Trying to catch my own breath, I reached out to stroke his cheek.

“That was perfect, though I always imagined it differently,” I admitted staring into his amber eyes. They had flecks of gold in them, which I never noticed before.

“How long have you wanted to kiss me?” he asked his smile pulling to one side.

“Longer than I would care to admit,” I confessed leaning in desperate to kiss him once more. Our kissing was softer this time but the heat was still there. I waited for him to take it further but he planted smaller kisses on my lips. Our foreheads pressed together I grinned up at him giddy with happiness.

“I would spend the whole night with you but I must check on my recruits. Would you have dinner with me again tomorrow night?” he asked.

“Yes, I would like that,” I said pleased he wanted to spend more time with me.

“You are amazing; I can’t tell you how happy it’s made me to see you again,” he relished leaning in to kiss me once more.

“I look forward to see you tomorrow night,” I called as he walked to my office door, trying to keep my smile in check.

“Sweet Dreams, Quinn” he said with an arch of his eyebrow, he closed the door behind him.

“You have no idea,” I murmured to myself. Bringing my fingertips up to my lips, I smiled in remembrance of his kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold onto your butts!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 22 Song: I Found/Amber Run

While discussing the best spells to use against darkspawn I found it hard to concentrate in class the next day. Every time someone passed by the door I would pause my heart in my throat. Last night I replayed the kiss over in my head my fears began to set in. Am I making the same mistakes? How could this work, it couldn’t. A Templar and a mage once discovered we would be separated forever. The thought of me in a mage prison or made Tranquil was enough to deter me. Honestly any relationship with a mage if found out could result in the same outcome. I could not do that to him, even if I was willing to risk it myself. I had grown accustomed to my loneliness but that kiss had woken something inside me I thought was long dead.

I noticed most of the students were not paying attention besides Dagna who was furiously taking notes. I decided to dismiss the class early since I was losing interest as well. I collected my things and headed to my office, greeting students as I passed them. Opening my office door, I set down my papers on my desk. On the corner of my desk, I noticed an unfamiliar small silver tin. Reaching for it I wondered what could be inside. I popped off the top peering inside. A grin broke out on my face, inside were six chocolate cookies. Picking one up and took a bite, smiling at the memories conjured. Finishing my cookie, I picked up the tin and placed it into one of my drawers for later.

I stood up and went to look out my window. Leaning back, I watched as the sun set over the lake. As the sun dipped lower, I began to light candles around the room. Stopping at a small table, I patted Dukes collar sat beside a gold locket. I lit a small candle for him. While I waited, I started a new letter to Leliana. The last letter I had from her she was serving the new Divine Justinia.

Finishing my letter, I heard a soft knock as my door opened. My breath quickened as I looked up to see Cullen enter my office and lock the door. I stood up slowly my heart beginning to race. He came around my desk his face fierce and full of need. Staring up into his face, I sighed admiring how handsome he is. One hand rested at the back of my neck the other at my hip. He leaned me roughly against the desk; my heart began to beat out of my chest. Still not speaking a word, he impulsively crashed his lips to mine. My whole body felt electrified as his tongue delved deep into my mouth. Stopping abruptly I attempted to catch my breath as he moved his mouth to my ear.

“I want you; you are all I could think about today,” He whispered his warm breath sending goosebumps all over my body. “Do you want me?”

“Yes,” I breathed shakily feeling dizzy. Picking me up he set me on the edge of my desk. He pulled up my robe, yanking off my small clothes. I pulled his shirt over his head, my hands running over his copious scars. Kissing my neck, he unlaced with his pants. Pausing he lowered his mouth back to my ear.

“You will need to be quiet,” he panted, my body felt like it was melting. I nodded unsure my voice would not tremble. He parted my legs as he pushed himself into me. Bringing his mouth back to mine, he kissed me deeply. His rough stubble scratching my face. He pressed down on me sheathing himself fully. It was almost too much as he spread me wider. He grasped the back of my hair pulling slightly as he thrust into me. His mouth moved to my neck as he bit back a grunt. Hammering into me, I quivered as sighs started escaping my mouth. I gasped as I bit the back of my hand to stifle it. My hands holding onto his strong muscled arms. I came in spasms feeling every stroke. His fingernails dug into my hip almost painful but mingled with want. He continued his relentless pounding as beads of sweat decorated my skin. His stamina was impressive as he continued his thrusting. “I’ve wanted you for so long,” he gasped.

He bit my neck hard as he drove himself even deeper into me. I covered my mouth biting my lip to keep from crying out. I moved past the pain only feeling absolute pleasure. He gripped my hair again forcing me to stare deeply into his heated eyes. Attempting to cry out he smothered my cries with his mouth. Faster and harder, our flesh met as I came in waves of pleasure. Burying his head in my neck, he rocked himself deeply to completion. He gently kissed trails along my neck back to my lips. He slowly separated from me as I lay my back on my desk waiting for my pulse to stop beating all over my body. Dazed I sat up slowly surprised to see all my papers scattered on the floor. We sat on the ground in my office eating the food he had brought, smiling at one another.

“So that just happened,” I snickered in between bites.

“Yes…it did. Looks like I made have gotten carried away, sorry,” he grinned gesturing to my neck.

“I’ll cover it up, it was definitely worth it,” I grinned pushing away my worries to be in this moment.

“Is that a tattoo I spied earlier?” he questioned his hand tracing the spot over my robe.

“Scandalous isn’t it? It was an impulsive decision but at the time seemed right. Alistair gave me a rose once as a gesture. I wanted a reminder that I was loved. Sounds stupid trying to explain it now,” I lamented uncomfortable talking about Alistair with him.

“It doesn’t sound stupid at all. It is a memory of a treasured time in your life. Don’t let what happened between you change that,” he advised pulling me close to kiss me again. “I would break all the rules to be with you.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 23 Song: Elastic Heart/Sia

Sitting at my desk, I tried to focus on the papers in front of me. Blushing all I could see was what had occurred on this very desk. Heat rising up from my chest to color my cheeks I sighed trying to concentrate. The past couple of weeks I felt rejuvenated basking in his attention. He would speak to me about his fears. I confided in him my adventures and friends I met along the way. I found myself falling for him more each day. He would be leaving soon which pained me but it was better than never having him. I felt I could endure his absence sustaining myself on these memories. Reaching for the next paper I tried read my students assignment. Students ran past my open door talking excitedly. Dagna ran in out of breath, “Have you heard? The King is heading this way!” she panted barely pausing to breath.

I jumped out of my chair looking out my window seeing a large party waiting at the shore. A single boat leisurely made its way to the tower. “Do you think he will remember me?” she asked bouncing up and down. She did not wait for an answer as she flew out the door. What was he doing here? Anger struck me first that he had been unwilling to leave me be. On the other hand, I had to admit I was curious as to why he had come here. It had been almost a year since I had seen him last. Mustering up my courage I made my way to front entrance not sure what to expect.

The students crowded around eager to get a look at the King. First Enchanter Irving waved me over to stand beside him with other Senior Enchanters. Cullen positioned the Templars and took his place beside the Knight Commander Greagoir. He caught my eye giving me a questioning look. I smiled calmly his way hoping he could see I was all right.

The front doors pushed up at the same time as Alistair strode in. His hair had grown out and he looked thinner. He wore fine leather armor trimmed with fur. As he made his way closer to us, I could see a thick stubble the beginnings of a beard. Not sure how I should greet him, I kept my eyes on the floor. We all kneeled as he approached.

“First Enchanter Irving, how are you?” Alistair asked helping Irving to his feet.

“Very well, as you can see. It is an honor to have you visit us,” Irving beamed he gestured to me. “I think you know this you lady here as well.”

Rising to my feet my eyes flicked up to meet his. He smiled warmly at me nodding his head. “Hello, Quinn. I hope you are well?” he mused locking his hands behind his back.

“I am, thank you,” I replied tearing my eyes away from his, I studied the ground again.

“If you don’t mind me asking what brings you here your majesty?” Irving inquired eyeing the men accompanying him.

“I have decided to make some small changes here. I petitioned Divine Justinia and was granted approval to build a garden here. I also came to see what progress has been made and if I could lend any support,” he pledged glancing around at everyone assembled. “It has been a while since I was here last. Quinn would you mind giving me the tour?”

“Of course,” I offered walking toward the library. I glanced back at Cullen to see his face pained. Thankfully, no one followed us as I pointed out rooms explaining each floor. Babbling on I discussed the topics I was teaching currently. We reached the third floor as I showed him the great hall.

“Is there a place we can talk privately?” he asked stopping my nervous jabbering.

“We could go to my office but I wouldn’t call it private. The Harrowing Chamber is empty today,” I suggested reluctantly. I did not want to be alone with him. I would at least hear him out seeing that he came all this way. Passing through the deserted Templar quarters as we made our way up the last floor. The Harrowing Chamber was just as I remembered it. Memories flashed of Alistair striking down Uldred as a Pride Demon.

“So how are you really?” he proffered placing his hands behind his back again.

“As well as can be expected. I miss my freedom but I find comfort in my work. I am a great source of material to draw from. Not being a Warden has its benefits no more annoying nightmares to wake me up in the night. How are you?” I asked walking around the room.

“I’m not going to lie; it has been hell since you left. I did not take it well. Leliana and Zevran left shortly after you did. Oghren just hangs around getting free drinks from folks wanting to hear stories about us,” he admitted walking beside me. The silence between us was so full of all the things we were afraid to say. “I apologize for my behavior…I could have handled it better. I did blame you for naming me King but I should have kept you closer or at least been honest with you. It was unworthy of me to treat you the way I did,” he conceded looking my way.

“It’s done, Alistair. We must live with what we both have done. Why did you come here, truly?” I asked finally meeting his eyes.

“I remembered how you spoke of the Circle. I figured I might as well put my position to use. I know you asked me not find you but I did not like how we parted. I wanted to make sure you were safe,” he offered reaching for me but thinking better of it, he withdrew. “There was a litter of Mabari pups that were born when you left for Montsimmard. The kennel master believes Duke fathered them. I wanted to bring you one or all of them but I wasn’t sure if that was appropriate,” he sympathized watching my face with concern. I smiled sadly tears pricking my eyes but not falling.

“I am glad there is a small part of him left in this world. But it seems wrong to keep a pet confined here,” I confessed regrettably observing his dejected expression.

“I adopted one and named him Barkspawn,” he grinned as I laughed. “Is there anything I can do for you here?” he inquired his eyes searching mine.

“No, you can’t change people minds about mages,” I eluded. “We should join the others. Are you staying long?” I questioned walking toward the door. He reached out and stopped me. I turned to face him hesitant of what else needed to be said.

“Can you ever forgive me?” he pleaded his eyes full of desperation. My heart hurt to see him so distraught. I paused to settle my emotions, swallowing hard.

“Only on the condition that you forgive me as well,” I appealed he grasped my hand kissing it to his lips. We studied each other, knowing that we could never be.

“Good, I was planning on chucking myself out of one of these windows if you didn’t,” he reverted to his old self. “I leave tonight, I have to stop at Redcliffe Castle to visit with Arl Eamon his health is deteriorating,” he shared as he put back on his kingly face.

“I’m sorry to hear that, he is a good man” I grieved. “Do you remember Dagna from Orzammar? She would love to meet you again, I must warn you she is very animated,” I mused as we made our way to the door.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 24 Song: Stay with me/Hannah Trigwell

Alistair left that night leaving behind a large force of workers to start on the garden. Plans already laid out to begin construction on the second floor. Everyone admittedly excited at the prospect of being allowed outside. Even heavily supervised, it would be worth it. Alistair and I parted on good terms. Our love for each other was still there but we both knew we could not be together. Cullen had yet to stop by since Alistair’s visit I was beginning to feel concerned. I could not just go and see him it would look strange. I just had to wait which was maddening. How would I feel if an ex-lover of his showed up? Knowing myself, I would be furious or seething with jealousy. Irving stepped into my classroom early the next morning.

“So the workers started on the garden today, if the noise had not given it away. I wondered if you would be so kind as to gather some plants in preparation of the garden. Whatever you can find in the area but do keep an eye out for embrium, prophet’s laurel, and elfroot. Petra will take over your class today. Whenever you are ready meet Gregoir at the entrance,” Irving announced as I nodded my consent. I set out my lesson plan and left to gather supplies. I hurried to fill my pack eager to set foot outside again. Making my way to the front entrance I found Gregoir directing the workers.

“Quinn, good to see you. Carroll will ferry you to the docks. I expect you back tomorrow afternoon. Cullen will be accompanying you, he is waiting outside,” Gregoir explained as turned back to the workers. Pleasantly surprised I kept my face impassive. I headed toward the main door as two Templars stood guarding it. One Templar stepped aside pushing open the door for me as I passed through. Outside the sun warmed my face; I took in several deep breaths. It was dizzying to be out in the world again.

I saw Cullen and Carroll waiting in the small boat at the dock. Cullen offered me his hand as I stepped in to settle myself. Carroll pushed off the dock and began to paddle. I kept to myself enjoying the sounds as a breeze tousled my hair. Closing my eyes, I let my hand drift off the side of the boat. My hand danced and floated delightfully in the cold water. Before I knew it, we reached the other side. Pulling my pack across my back, I helped Cullen unload the rest of the supplies. We made our way along the shore of Lake Calanhad. Glancing at him several times, I could see that he was avoiding my looks. Once we grew tired, he stated we would camp here. We set down the supplies in silence. He began to set up two tents as I gathered plants and firewood nearby.

“Are you upset with me?” I solicited attempting to build a fire. I looked over to see him pause, his back to me. He sighed stopping his task of erecting the second tent. Finally turning to meet my gaze, I could see apprehension etched across his face. “I would have come to speak with you but I was afraid it would draw attention to you.”

“You disappeared for a long period of time with a man you love…” he trailed off shrugging.

“Loved…He wanted to make things right. I was gone suddenly with things left unsaid. He wanted to apologize. It is over between us, it was the day he was crowned,” I informed as I stood and walked toward him.

“So nothing happened between you while you were alone?” he asked still not convinced.

“He kissed my hand as we parted. That was all,” I promised. “I am going to gather some more plants before it starts to get dark. We can talk about this more if you would like.” I stayed where he could see me picking different plants and herbs. While worked I thought over how I felt about him. I had convinced myself this would not work. Yet he was willing to risk everything to be with me.

Surely, he would rather marry and have children rather than carrying on with a secret relationship. How can this end well? I wanted him true enough but at what cost to us both. As the sun began to set I started back to camp. The fire was roaring as I drew close to warm my hands. Cullen had taken off his armor underneath he wore a padded grey shirt and light black pants. I sat down next to him seeing a plate of food laid out. I tried to eat casually but I was ravenous from collecting. I finished off the apple slices reaching down to take off my shoes.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you earlier. I had all these images flying around in my head. I didn’t want them to be true but I guess I was afraid they might be,” he described passing me a canteen of water.

“You don’t need to apologize. This is just as frightening to me. All I know is that I want to be with you in whatever way or time we have together. Nevertheless, we also need to be careful. We both know what could happen to either of us if we are discovered,” I conveyed squeezing his hand.

“I told you I don’t care about that. I have been thinking that maybe it is time for a change. The Templars in Kirkwall are falling apart; I have been toying with the idea of leaving. When I was younger it was about protecting people now it’s become about oppression,” he conceded staring into the fire.

“Cullen even if you were no longer a Templar, I will always be a mage. I can never leave the Tower without permission. I have no idea where my phylactery is. My relationship with Alistair was only conditional to him. I cannot give you a normal life. Being a mage our connection must always be a secret. You are leaving in a few days. We don’t even know if we will ever see each other again,” I sighed heart sick from imaging the future. “I am going to bed; you can join me if you wish. If not I will know will know you heeded my warning.”

I finished collecting my shoes and ducked to enter my tent. Nervously to keep busy I laid out my bedroll. I took off my robe and laid it in the corner with my pack. Sitting down I pulled my knees to my chest as I waited. I listened to the sound of him putting out the fire. An owl hooted in the distance while the crickets added to the music of the night. I heard him stop at the front of my tent but then head to his own. I laid down my heart aching I pulled a blanket over me as I turned on my side. It was for the best, I did not want to be responsible for breaking his or my own heart. Yet tears spilled from my eyes as I consoled myself. I was glad I had not told him I loved him which I felt all too clearly now. I wanted him more than anything but that was not fair to him. I heard shuffling outside; sitting back up I wiped my face. Cullen entered my tent carrying a small lantern.

“I can’t live without you. For years, I have dreamt of you. I’m still afraid I will wake up,” he revealed gathering me in his arms. My lips found his as I kissed him matching his passion with my own. Wrestling his shirt over his head, I tossed it to the ground. I pushed him down while I sat astride him. Clinging to him I kissed him deeply my tongue darting into his warm open mouth. I pulled him free from his pants as I lowered my body on top of his. I savored the sensation of him filling me while I adjusted to his thickness.

“I used to daydream about you while I was alone in my room,” I panted grinding myself into him. His hands reached to touch my breasts but I pinned them above his head. “I touched myself while I imagined your hands all over me,” I moaned my mouth poised over his. Slow at first then finding my rhythm I writhed on top of him. “I called out your name imaging how it would be with you,” He groaned as I felt a tremor quicken in my body. I watched his heated expression at my admission. I gasped nearing my climax as I cried out his name. Flipping me over onto my back, he drew my legs up as he drove deep within me. He cupped one of my breast bringing it to his mouth. His tongue circled my nipple before he drew it into his mouth roughly. I hissed an intake of breath my hand pulling the hair at the back of his head. I parted my legs wider as his mouth moved to my other nipple sucking deeply. He increased his tempo as his tongue flicked into my mouth. My increasing moans filled the tent as I felt myself falling apart. I called out his name again as I felt my body tighten and shudder. He filled me up as I felt tears spill down my face with the intensity of my need. His breath hitched with his own release. He stared down at me softly brushing away my tears. He kissed my lips as if trying to remember this moment forever as we lay locked together. Disentangling himself, he lay beside me as we caught our breath.

“Did you really think about me when we were at the Tower together?” he asked turning on his side.

“Yes…I had an awful crush on you,” I confessed his hand stroking my cheek. “I used to pretend I couldn’t get books from the top shelf of the library, just to spend time with you.”

“I will be leaving for Kirkwall soon. I have this terrible feeling that it is all coming to a point. Something is happening between the mages and Templars. Meredith the Knight Commander is leading the Templars down a dangerous path. I cannot imagine that it will go unanswered by the mages,” he worried reaching for his clothes he pulled out an object.

“My brother gave me this when I left for Templar training,” he explained holding out a small silver coin. “He said it was for luck, I’ve kept it with me this whole time. I want you to have it; maybe it will bring you some luck.” I plucked the coin from his hand turning it over in the light. I studied the face of Andraste stamped on the worn coin.

“You need this more than I do. However, I would like something to remember you by. I will hold unto it until we meet again. Please be careful, I need to tell you…that I love you. I do not want you leaving without me saying it. I never thought I could love again, you brought me back to life,” I professed leaning my head against his chest.

“My heart has been yours the day I met you. You are…I have never felt anything like this. I love you too,” he admitted kissing me softly on the lips as we gradually fell asleep in each other’s arms.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 25 Song: Beside You/Phildel

The days flew by as we met in secret when we were able. As the days grew nearer of his leaving our desperation for each other amplified. We did not make any plans or promises. I reminded him we both had responsibilities to keep us busy. We said our goodbyes privately before he left for Kirkwall. I was able to keep myself together so he would not feel worse for leaving. I watched from my window in my office as he was ferried away. He turned and looked up at the tower. I held myself as tears streaked down my face. I watched until I could not see him any longer. Wiping my cheeks, I drew a shuddering breath to calm myself. I was in desperate need of fresh air; I made my way to the new garden. It was still a work in progress but it was coming along quickly. As I stepped out, I noticed three Templars standing guard. I checked in on the plants I had brought back. Sitting at a bench I stared out over the lake, I hoped Cullen would be safe.

In the weeks that followed word from the other circles began to spread throughout the tower. The rumors whispered that Templars were turning mages Tranquil. My students grew more concerned eyeing the Templars suspiciously. I explained they were just rumors and First Enchanter Irving would never allow this to happen. I walked back to my office meaning to stop by the library to do some research on the Qunari. I dropped off some student papers while attempting to organize my desk. In walked a Templar whose name I was not familiar. Not saying a word, he placed a large package down and left. Puzzled I watched him leave and considered the bundle. Pealing it open inside was a letter, a smaller package, and a bouquet of elderflowers roots still attached. Lifting the flowers out, I inhaled deeply tears gathering in the corners of my eyes. Standing up I rushed to close and lock my door. I reached frantically for the letter.

Q,

I cannot say much but I hope this gets to you in time. The situation here is escalating. Maker turn his gaze on you, you must keep yourself safe. I have to make a stand for what is right, I just pray there is enough time. You are always in my thoughts; I hope to make you proud.

-C

I reread the letter three times; apprehension ran cold throughout my body. His letter sounded like a goodbye. I tore open the smaller package and stared down at a phylactery. I gasped aloud recognizing it at once. I studied the glass vial filled with blood glowing brightly in my hand. Was this a sign, should I try to escape? I could not do that, my job was to protect the students. I turned the phylactery in my fingers not believing I held my own freedom in my hands. Taking his letter, I tossed it into the fire watching it curl and burn. I slipped my phylactery into one of the pockets of my robe. Picking up the discarded elderflowers, I stroked the tiny flowers. They resembled petite white stars so delicate. I picked them up heading to the garden to plant them. Plucking a small bundle of the flowers, I tucked it behind my ear so I could smell them throughout the day.

My head swam as I struggled to breathe. A blast ripped through the Chantry in Kirkwall. Grand Cleric Elthina and so many other innocents killed by the explosion and deadly rubble. A mage claimed to be responsible for the attack. Was Cullen injured or dead? I could see the Templars were anxious that other rebellions would break out. The students were required to keep to their rooms. I hurried to Irving’s study hoping to speak with him. Knocking rapidly on his door I heard him answer. He looked up drained of exhaustion worry lined his face.

“Have you heard any more news?” I asked not concealing the panic in my voice.

“It’s all rumor and chaos right now. Gregoir is planning to keep the students confined for this week until we learn more. I will not let this Circle fall again after we have worked so hard to build it back up. Are you worried about Cullen?” He questioned looking up at me. My face froze not sure, if I should deny it or come clean. Irving was a friend but he was also the First Enchanter. Would he need to report me? “I have known you since you were a little girl Quinn. Who do you think picked the Templar to guard you on your last excursion?”

“What, why?” I stammered shaking my head.

“When you came back here I could see that something was missing. When Cullen showed up, I watched you flourish. After all that you have been through I was just pleased you had found happiness,” he admitted smiling tiredly.

“I don’t know what to say,” I agonized covering my face with my hands. “I’m so scared he is hurt or dead and I will never know.”

“Quinn, mages are perceived more dangerous now than ever. We need to show that we are not all terrorists. I want you to travel to Kirkwall to try to salvage this tragedy. I fear the Chantry or the Templars may retaliate for one person’s actions,” Irving ordered handing me papers across the desk. “These are your traveling papers and passage to Kirkwall. You will leave tonight with Rion.” I was not about to argue exhilarated that I might see Cullen again.

“Of course, I’ll gather my things immediately. Thank you Irving, for everything,” I exclaimed crossing the desk to hug him tightly.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 26 Song: The Civil Wars/Dust to Dust

Rion as it turned out was the Templar who delivered Cullen’s package. We discussed how we both knew Cullen as we traveled. Rion previously stationed in Kirkwall with Cullen until the unease in the city became too much for him. Cullen had saved his life and Rion was eager to repay the debt. He did not mention if he knew of my relationship with Cullen. 

When we reached the ship, I was in awe of its size having never been on a ship before. Kept in the Tower, I was reluctant to spend much time below deck in the cabins. I preferred to be on the deck, at once obsessed with the sea. I pulled his silver coin from my pocket I whispered a prayer to it before pocketing it again. Cullen was ever on my mind, I refused to believe he was dead. We discussed our plan once we reached Kirkwall. Rion insisting on doing the talking he advised me to keep close to him. He was familiar with the layout of the city and had contacts in the Order who could help us find Cullen.

When we finally docked in Kirkwall, I hurried Rion through the streets. Rion pointed out the Templar Hall our best chance get information. The temperament toward mages in the city was evident. A man spit on me as I passed, Rion punched him in the face. Blood gushed from his nose as Rion pulled me along. We made it to the hall in one piece I stood back while Rion made his inquiries. I was desperate to find Cullen but I had to bite my tongue while he spoke with several men.

A fellow Templar told him to check the one of the mansions in Hightown now turned into a field hospital. I had never been in such a big city before. The sounds, smells, and sights were all over whelming. Templars raced back and forth still trying to find survivors under the rubble. I hurried him along pushing past the crowds of people. We heard the hospital before we reached it. Screams of pain and loss echoed down the streets of the building. We gingerly stepped around cots searching for Cullen. My heart racing I thought I saw him but as I neared closer, I could see it was not him. I began to lose hope looking over vast sea of injured people. The devastation to the city was all too was clear.

“Quinn!” Rion called out waving me his way. I turned away from the cacophony of wails and prayers. He gestured to a curtained off area. I pulled back the curtain and in the furthest cot along the wall lay Cullen. His eyes closed but I could see his chest rising and falling. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I slowly made my way to his side. “I will give you some privacy, I’ll be right outside.”

He pulled the curtain back in place behind him. The other cots were empty but there were bloodstains evidence of their previous owners. I looked down at him grimacing at his bruised and bloody body. A large bandage blotted with blood rested above his mouth. I reached out for his hand and gently squeezed it. His eyes fluttered open confusion clouding his eyes.

“Quinn?” he questioned looking around.

“It’s me. I’m really here,” I soothed leaning to kiss his forehead due to his bandaged lip. “First Enchanter Irving sent me.”

“I thought I would never see you again,” he whispered his expression somber. He tried to smile and winced, blood spreading from the bandage.

“May I?” I asked gesturing to his injuries. He nodded inhaling sharply as his hands fisted. I pulled back the sheet covering him. Painful bruises spotted him all over. I carefully felt his injuries while watching his face. I slowly pealed back the bandage above his mouth. I marveled at the deep gash, he also had a smaller cut above his ear.

“You know I would never perform any magic on you without asking. I can sew up the cuts but you have two broken ribs I fear may not heal correctly if not properly treated. He considered but nodded again. “I’ll be right back,” I croaked walking to the curtain. “Rion can you get me some supplies, bandages, a needle, thread, and a sleeping draught.” Turning back to him, I poised my hands over his ribs.

“Are you ready?” I hesitated knowing how he felt about magic. Another slow nod I cast a healing spell watching it take effect. I smiled down at him reassuringly as I noticed the tears that escaped from the corners of his eyes. I heard Rion clear his throat by the closed curtain. I peeked out as he handed me the materials he had gathered. Uncorked the sleeping draught I explained that this would help him sleep. I turned his face to the uninjured side and had him drink deep. “I will be here when you wake.”

He drifted off the sleep I set out the needle and thread. Pulling up a chair beside his cot I set to work. Cleaning the area first, I stitched his wounds and bandaged him. He was still deeply asleep his face relaxed I stroked his golden hair. I was exhausted not just psychically but emotionally. I pulled back the curtain to find Rion surveying the injured. “He should be okay now. Do you know who is in charge here?” I asked looking around.

“Yes, Mara Soliel, she is a healer,” he answered pointing her out.

“I will go and speak to her see if I can help out. Would you watch over Cullen? Please come and get me once he wakes up. I’m worried he may develop a fever,” I attempted to cover my concern.

While Cullen slept, I was able help around the hospital with Mara’s permission. Growing weary I brought Rion and I some food while we monitored Cullen. Luckily, no fever was present though his dreams were troubled. I took first shift watching Cullen while Rion slept on one of the empty cots. Cullen began to stir, I grasped his hand. His eyes were foggy blinking sluggishly from the sleeping draught. Eventually they began to clear as they focused on mine, I sighed gratefully. To see those lovely amber eyes again twisted something deep in my heart. I put a finger to my lips gesturing to Rion sleeping a few beds away. “I sewed your cut up so take it easy talking. How do you feel?” I fretted wanting to lay down beside him.

“Better, still sore though,” he replied squeezing my hand.

“News of the explosion reached us, Irving sent me to try to help. I spoke with Mara the healer here she has brought me on as an assistant. There is talk in the city about Orsino and Meredith, I am not sure of what to make of it. What happened?” I queried bringing a cup of water to his lips. He drank deeply as I felt his forehead.

“I began to notice changes in the mages in my charge. The fear I saw in their faces echoed my own when the Tower Circle fell. After the Chantry blew up, Meredith invoked the Right of Annulment. I could not let that happen especially since the mage involved was not even part of the Circle here. I ordered her to step down; she accused us of all of being under the spell of blood mages. She somehow acquired a lyrium sword…red lyrium. That stuff is deadly it causes paranoia, delusions, and madness. In the end, I stood with the Champion against her. Her sword shattered and she was petrified in lyrium,” he informed his throat-sounding coarse. I wanted to kiss him, cry over him, and tell him I loved him. Being so exposed I had to watch what I said and did.

“You did the right thing. Irving sent me to help and I intend to do whatever I can to heal this rift. The mage who started this, did they catch him?” I questioned upset at the mage who caused this chaos. It was a cowardly act meant to cause shock and fear. If he intended us to gain freedom this was not the way to go about it. It would only cause more hatred toward us leading to vengeance.

“He is gone, I don’t know where. If he is smart he will hide but I doubt that he can stay hidden forever,” he fumed his eyes growing tired again.

“You need to rest; I will bring you some food. Rion says they will be moving you to the back to your barracks soon. You are healing quite well, I am happy to say. Mara has provided a room in the back so I can rest comfortably after tending to the injured here. We need to get you up and about so we can get to work,” I beamed mouthing I love you. Kissing his coin, I placed it into his open hand he smiled wincing again.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 27 Song: Bound to You/Christina Aguilera

I was dreaming of Cullen kissing me gently, teasing me until I throbbed with reckless desire. His hands caressing all over my body to finally settle between my legs. Nimble fingers stroking deftly setting me on edge. Feeling a hand cover my mouth, his face turned onto Alistair's. I jolted awake to find Cullen staring down at me. His eyes pinned on me he continued rubbing at my dampening sex. Slipping a finger inside me, I gasped under his hand. My nerves came alive like a slow humming rolling under my skin. Inserting a second digit, I squirmed under his ministrations. Staring longing into his eyes I gave myself over to his skilled fingers. My core clenching as I rode the waves of pleasure coursing threw me. He uncovered my mouth softly kissing my parted lips.

The scar above his lip still healing as he took extra care. His bruises were still visible though changing to lighter shades of yellows and purples. He moved to place himself between my parted legs. Our limbs entwined as I reached to hold him closer to me. Fleshing melding together, he took his time. I cradled the back of his head to bring his lips back to mine. Kissing his lower lip, I gently sucked on it savoring the taste of him. He reached down to cup my ass plunging himself deep within me. Running my hands over his back, I admired his soft but scared skin. Our bodies found the perfect rhythm as I watched his face focus on mine. My eyes glazed over as I felt my orgasm surge with every thrust. He spent himself burying his head in my neck to stifle his groan. His face slightly pained as his body was still recovering from his encounter. He dressed slowly while I watched him avidly.

“I have to get back to the barracks before sunrise. I still cannot believe they named me Knight Commander,” he murmured trying to assemble his armor. I stood up to help skin slightly chilled, only a light sheet wrapped around me. “Rion will escort you to the Viscount’s Keep for our meeting this afternoon.” He glanced around the room double-checking he had everything.

“I’ll be there; before you go I have something for you.” I whispered. I rummaged into the pocket of my robe hanging on a nearby hook. I pressed a necklace I had fastened into his large hand. Looking down he realized what I had given him.

“I thought you would have destroyed it…Why did you keep it?” he questioned distressed staring at my phylactery glowing brightly.

“I want you to keep it, if I’m ever lost to you…you can find me,” I proffered worried I had bared my heart too much. “If you don’t want it…I understand, it was silly.” I tried to cover my embarrassment reaching for the necklace.

“No, I do, it’s just I thought that you wanted your freedom,” he reasoned visibly touched but my gesture.

“Maybe one day I will destroy it but until then I trust you to keep it safe for me,” I confessed closing it in his fist.

The city was beginning to stabilize. Cullen as the new Knight Commander rallied the Templars to start rebuilding. He made sure the small group of loyalist mages continued to have protection. New leaders elected by the nobles, delegated into their roles. Hawke the Champion of Kirkwall was still missing. Cullen, Rion, and I met in the Viscounts Keep with the new leaders discussing the best course of action to bring some permanence to the city. The double doors were thrust open a disembodied voice called, “The Queen of Ferelden.” I looked up a mixed of horror and confusion. In strode Anora Mac Tir, she looked at us all in turn seeing me she smirked.

“I am a foreign leader here but there are many Ferelden refugees in Kirkwall. I have come to bring aide to the people throughout the city,” Anora announced her hands clasped together.

I stepped forward swallowing hard, “Your help is appreciated your majesty.” I conceded bending my head.

“You look surprised to see me Quinn. The last time I saw you was at the Landsmeet,” Anora boasted not trying to keep the smugness off her face. “I have brought soldiers, money, and healers I’m sure can be put to good use. Quinn, I would like a private word with you.” Everyone exited through the door, only Cullen looking back concerned. “So, I imagine you have a lot of questions,” she mused.

“I guess congratulations is in order…When did you marry?” I asked crossing my arms. She burst out laughing hugging her sides.

“You think I married Alistair!” she chortled. “That’s rich, though I might have if given the option between that or remaining locked up. When he visited me in my room, I thought he was drunk at first. All those rumors in the castle, I was afraid he came to proposition me. Turns out he only wanted my promise I would be the ruler Ferelden needs. The next day he called a counsel and abdicated in favor of me.” I was dazed that I had not heard word of this. Also a little bit afraid Anora would seek retribution. I had deposed her and killed her Father.

“Anora, I hope that we can work together. You must know why I chose Alistair. I felt I had no choice. Obviously the way things are now, I see now that I should have sided with you,” I submitted not being given much of a choice.

“You saw right through me. Most people I could fool or manipulate but not you. You stood up for what thought was right even to your own detriment. I have always wanted to be Queen, I was born for it,” she admitted smiling to herself.

“What happened to Alistair? Where did he go?” I inquired worried that something was not right.

“He is where he belongs, back with the Grey Wardens. He never wanted to be a ruler, he tried I will give him that. In the end he choose his own path, I almost admire him,” Anora sighed wistfully. “I must head back to Ferelden we are still trying to recover from the Blight. There is still much work to do.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 28 Song: You Love Me/Flora Cash

After the dust settled with Cullen’s leadership order was eventually restored in Kirkwall. The tension toward mages escalated with each day. The blowing up of the Chantry had fanned the flames of an uprising. The College of Enchanters convened to propose severing ties with the Chantry all together. The Chantry in response disbanded the mage fraternities from gathering.

News from Irving mentioned another rebellion in Orlais at the White Spire. All the phylacteries stored there destroyed. Wynne one of my dearest friends perished in the assault. I met with Chantry leaders to discuss the ongoing mage rebellion. I tried to appeal to their sense of right and wrong. Mages kept as prisoners at times treated harshly or abused by those put in power. While I agreed, people needed to be protected from abominations and blood mages. I tried to point out that blood mages not inherently dangerous but the current system put in place only breeds more. Blood magic itself was widely practiced by the Chantry and the Grey Wardens, which did not win me much favors. I tried to propose other solutions in which we may improve upon a mages way of life. None were met with agreement let only consideration.

After my meeting I set off with Rion to a small house, I rented in Lowtown. Bidding him good night, he agreed to meet me tomorrow morning. Exhausted from arguing all day I poured myself a glass of wine. Changing out of my robes, I exchanged it for a light dressing gown tying it closed in the front. I startled to find Cullen asleep in my bed. One hand curled up by his head the other resting on his stomach. The sheets pulled up covering his legs leaving his torso and upper body exposed. I studied him for while trying to emblazon his image in my mind. I watched as his chest rose and fell with each breath. He looked so young sleeping his cares not lining his face. Finishing my glass I cautiously climbed onto the bed. I reached out tracing his beautiful full lips with my fingertip. His eyes fluttered open focusing on mine. His smile pulled to one side.

“That scar is going to be the death of me,” I confessed leaning down to kiss his gorgeous lips. I rang my fingers through his already tousled hair.

“How did it go?” he asked stroking my upper arm.

“Nothing is going to change; it is only going to get worse. I am frightened if we cannot agree soon there will be a war. I think the low point was when I pointed out the Chantry and the Grey Wardens use blood magic,” I griped covering my face. He pulled my hands aside not before kissing each one.

“I can only imagine their faces,” he amused fingering the collar of my robe. “You are right though it is getting worse; I had to stop a mob today who attacked a man who fit Ander’s description. I think it is time we talked about leaving again. We could go stay with my brother and sisters. Or maybe go someplace new like Antiva or Rivain.”

“I will not put your family in danger it would be the first place they looked. Maybe your right about leaving but I still feel like we could help more before it comes to a war,” I sighed flopping onto my back.

“We’ll think of something,” Cullen agreed pulling on the bow of my robe. It parted revealing my naked body. He grinned his eyes dark with desire. Positioning himself between my legs, he kissed tenderly down my body. Stopping level with my hips, he parted my legs wider to drape across his shoulders. Looking up at me, he smirked his smile tugging again. My breath caught in my chest as he tentatively licked my most sensitive spot. He tongue worked skillfully pitching me into a frenzy. I gripped the bed sheets rolling my hips with eager anticipation. Opening my eyes, I caught him watching me with increased attention. Gasping I arched my neck back as his tongue swept over my bundle of nerves. His calloused hands stroked and pinched at my nipples. He found that sweet spot that made my toes curl. I cried out loudly as I came shuddering.

He beamed at me as he came back up to lay beside me. I pulled his face to mine kissing deeply, still tingling from my release. I kissed each scar I found running my hands over his stunning muscled body. My hands roamed delicately teasing. Moving down his body, I brought his member to my lips. My tongue darted out to slowly caress around his head. His intake of breath brought a smile to my lips. Easing him into my mouth slowly knowing he enjoyed it like this. Each time I drew him into my mouth, I tried to go a little deeper than before. Keeping my lips tight around him I sucked gently. I locked eyes with him seeing now why he liked to watch me fall apart. I bobbed my head up and down trying to take as much of him as I could. Feeling him hit the back of my throat while stretching out my mouth. His body tensed and relaxed at the same time. He met my motion slowly pumping into my wet mouth. I moaned seductively savoring the noises I could coax from him.

“I want you to lay over the side of the bed,” he ordered stroking my cheek. Not sure what he meant I watched him leave the bed to stand at edge. He beckoned me over to him as he bent me over the bed. Memories flashed of Rena and Alistair in my head. I started to protest but the words died on my lips. He spread my legs further apart gripping at my hips. I felt him place himself at my opening and slowly enter me. Holding me firmly in place, I felt him throb in eagerness. I turned to look over my shoulder catching him staring intently at where our bodies met together. Grasping the back of my neck, he began thrusting in and out of me. Pulling me up by my shoulders, I had to arch my back to keep him inside me. My back flush with his chest he turned my face towards his to slip his tongue into my mouth. Fondling my breast his other hand reached between my legs. Stroking my clit, I moaned into his mouth. His lips moved to suck and playfully nip at my neck. His hand leaving my breast encircled my neck, as he slammed deep into me. Feeling that familiar clench, I pulsed around him. Pushing me back face down on the bed, he gripped my hips his fingers roughly digging into my skin. Relentless he drove his cock into me as he roared to his own climax. We both fell exhausted back to the bed. Lying side by side on the bed, we faced one another smiling as we tried to catch our breath.

“Are you sleeping here tonight?” I asked my thumb caressing my favorite imperfection above his lip.

“I wish I could but I have an early morning meeting with Cassandra Pentaghast,” he answered kissing my fingertip.

“A Pentaghast? Well glad to see you are coming up in the world. You may want to fix your hair before you head back,” I teased watching him attempt to smooth it back down. I rolled onto my stomach observing him dress never tiring of watching him.

“I almost forgot a letter from Irving came for you, it’s on the table,” he mentioned pointing at it. “I’ll try to come by tomorrow after my meeting.” He leaned down to kiss me while playfully swatting me on my rear. He let himself out using the concealed door in the back alley. I sighed to myself grabbing my discarded dressing gown putting it back on. I picked up his letter, opening it I puzzled at another letter inside. A short letter from Irving revealed as was well at Kinloch Hold. He also included a letter, addressed to me sent by messenger to the Tower. Confused I opened the letter recognizing the writing at once.

Quinn,

I cannot do this anymore. I cannot be the person you wanted me to be. I wanted to make you proud but all it has brought me is sorrow. I had all these people telling me how great I was. I let that power get to me. I felt like I deserved to act a certain way because I was so miserable. I could have handled it differently I see that now. I wish I were a better man. Those women were just distractions, pale imitations of you. Nothing makes sense anymore without you. I had a family with you and now everyone is gone. I am going back the only family I have left, the Grey Wardens. Memories of you are forever etched on my mind like a brand. I close my eyes each night and all I can is you. I should have fought harder for you. If I cannot have you, I do not want any of this. You are the only person who ever saw me as I wanted to be seen. I still and will always love you. The thought of you locked in that tower breaks my heart. There is a rebellion stirring it gives me hope that someday you will have your freedom. When that day comes, I will be there and perhaps we can be together again.

Love always,

Alistair

I was not sure how to feel about his letter. I did the best that I could; I was tired of apologizing to him. I was happy he had made his own decision for once. His declaration was troubling though. He had no idea that I had moved on. I thought about writing back to him but it would only hurt him to know I had found love with another. Should I tell Cullen about the letter? I decided against it hiding Alistair's letter in a box with my other mementos. Thinking about our past, I glanced down at the rose tattoo on my thigh. It seemed like ages ago since I asked Zevran to mark me permanently. He had done a good job it had yet to fade unlike us.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter coming at ya!
> 
> Chapter 29 Song: The Lion of Ferelden/Suzanne Van Pelt

Rion and I walked the streets of Kirkwall on our way visit the Alienage. Stopping by a vendor, I admired a small stone carving of a Mabari. A woman with her hood pulled up stepped up beside me.

“Do you think they sell silk ribbons here? I’ve been meaning to spruce up my boots for the longest time,” she lilted pulling back her hood.

“Leliana?!” I squealed near knocking her over in an effort to embrace her. Tears of happiness wet my eyes it had been so long since I had seen her. She looked older but still lovely there was a glint of toughness about her eyes. “I’m so happy to see you!”

“I’ve been tasked by the Divine to track down an old friend,” she smiled coolly. “Can we talk somewhere more private?” she eyed Rion who had strode over at my outburst.

“Yes, there are private rooms in the Hanged Man. Rion this is Leliana one of my dearest friends,” I introduced stepping back to gesture to Rion. We made our way to the Hanged Man though early in the morning there were several people already queued up on the benches. Heading to a back room, Leliana requested that Rion wait outside. Winking at him, I closed the door behind me. Sitting at the table, I nodded waiting to hear what she had to say.

“Divine Justinia is desperate to put an end to this conflict before it is causes more bloodshed. She entrusted me to find you and Hawke. We are starting an Inquisition and we need leaders. You are a mage surely you can understand we need all the power and influence we can muster. The Divine will be holding a peace summit at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. We need you Quinn, you must help us quell this war,” Leliana begged gesturing wildly. I captured her hands in mine to calm her.

“I will admit I cannot see how we can possibly avoid a war. I feel like I am caught in the middle of this conflict. I understand both sides but fighting with each other will gain us nothing. I am not sure how much of a leader I can be. Even though I used to be the Hero of Ferelden, I am still a mage. Sometimes that is all people can see,” I explained taking her plea serious. “Can I think it over and give you my answer soon?”

“Please give it some thought. I hate to come to you to ask you to lead again after all you have been through but we must do something. Would you send word to the Chantry when you have made your decision? I want to try to assist the Divine at the summit if we can make it in time,” Leliana conveyed her face tensing. We parted as Rion escorted me back to Lowtown. I was looking for a way to help maybe this was it? On the other hand, maybe we should we make a run for it as Cullen had suggested? I needed to speak with him to see how he felt. I made the bed while I waited for him to return. Hearing the hidden door close I turned to see him slip into the room. Feeling frightened all of a sudden I crossed the room to hold him. Without question, he wrapped me in his strong embrace.

“So I have some big news I need to discuss with you,” he started staring down into my face.

“Alright you go first,” I offered waiting to hear what his news was.

“Cassandra Pentaghast wants to recruit me to lead the Inquisition. I would be a Commander of the military forces and an advisor. The position is in Ferelden and I would need to leave immediately,” he presented rubbing small circles on my back.

“Interesting, I ran into Leliana today. She wants me to lead the Inquisition, she wants my answer soon,” I admitted biting my lip. His face registered shock pressing his forehead into mine. “What do you think?” I asked scared of what our next step would be.

“You know I’ve been thinking of leaving the Templar order. This could be a new start for us both but it is also very dangerous. I know you want to do more to help I think this Inquisition could do that. You have seen so much tragedy already. I don’t want you or me to make this decision we should make it together,” he explained my heart squeezing with emotion.

“I couldn’t agree more,” sighing I squeezed him tighter in my arms. “I think I want to try, Ferelden is our home we should fight for it,” I reasoned looking to see his reaction.

“Andraste preserve me, you are amazing. You are the bravest woman I’ve ever known,” he gushed bringing his lips to mine.

We left that week with a whole troupe of people. Rion said his goodbyes deciding to go back to Kinloch Hold. Sailing back to Ferelden, I spent most of my time on deck staring at the ocean for hours. The voyage also allowed me to become more acquainted with my new companions. Cassandra and Varric were quite the pair constantly at odds with each other. Cullen and I decided to keep our relationship private due to our roles. I almost laughed as we entered Haven explaining the dragon cult that used to reside here. Leliana and Cassandra requested I meet the Divine the next morning at Temple of Sacred Ashes. As we prepared to leave the next morning, an explosion rocked the Temple. Chaos erupted as demons and spirits broke out of the Veil. Fighting our way up to the Temple, we looked on in amazement as a form materialized from an opening in the sky. Drawing closer I saw it was a young woman with a remarkable mark on her hand. She raised her hand to the green chasm closing the rift as she fainted to the ground.

Cullen carried her back to Haven while she remained unconscious for several days. They called her the Herald of Andraste. Her real name was Evelyn Trevelyan a noble who was the only survivor at the peace conference. Now there was a giant breach in the sky spilling forth horrors. The situation calmed as we planned our next move. My position was less sure since this Herald had a way to close these rifts. All agreed she should be the new leader. Cullen enjoyed training the men and settled into his new role quickly. I on the other hand became redundant, as the Herald became the new leader of the Inquisition. I did not mind at first, I was almost relieved that I did not have to save the world again. Soon it became clear I had no role at all especially since I was a mage.

I watched this admittedly attractive young women struggle with the spotlight thrust upon her. She reminded me of myself when I was her age, naïve and afraid of challenges ahead of her. Often while trying to find Cullen I would discover them speaking together. He was the commander of her army of course they would need to discuss tactics and reports. It was also obvious that she was flirting with him by her body language. Honestly, he was by far the most attractive man in Haven. I brushed it off trying not to drown in jealousy, but I was. Observing them from the gates of Haven I fumed as he blushed bright red by something she had said.

“I know you are thinking the same thing I am, get a room!” Blackwall complained coming to stand beside me.

“She is young and pretty I can see the appeal,” I offered crossing my arms.

“A little girl more like it, I would prefer a woman,” Blackwall snorted throwing me an interested look. Smiling I bumped his shoulder with my own. Laughing at something Cullen said Evelyn turned away. As she sashayed away, I watched dismayed as his eyes tracked her exit. As she walked toward me, he eyes widened as he noticed my troubled expression.

“Quinn, how are you today?” Evelyn asked almost skipping as she came closer to me.

“I am well, thank you. I did want to speak with you if you have a moment,” I requested looking back at Cullen who was reading a report brought by Rylen.

“Sure, walk with me,” she lilted walking leisurely back to the Chantry.

“I wanted to give you some advice if you were feeling overwhelmed by your new role. There are going to be many decisions that you will need to make. Decisions that no one person should be able to judge on their own,” I imparted watching her face register irritation.

“That’s why I have advisors,” she broke in turning to face me.

“I’m glad you do but everyone will be looking to you not your advisors. My best advice would be to make sure you could live with your decisions. Do not look back on what could have been. Have you made a decision on who to support?” I inquired as we entered the Chantry together.

“No, I am traveling to Val Royeaux to speak with Mother Giselle. When I return we will discuss who will best aide us in closing the Breach,” she reasoned stopping at Josephine’s door.

“If you ever need someone to talk, I’m here,” I offered nodding my head in her direction. “God, I sound like Wynne,” I muttered under my breath walking back to my tent. I had been working on a robe for Cullen to wear over his armor. I had so much time on my hands I had made this my new project. The mantle was a mix of black fur and red phoenix feathers. I sewed it unto a maroon robe lined with gold to highlight his hair. I stood back and admired my hard work anxious to have him try it on. Sighing I lay back on my cot reaching for my book: Wardens of Old. I lost myself reading about Garahel an elven Grey Warden. I tried to imagine fighting on the back of a Griffon smiling to myself. My daydream dissolved as Cullen strode into my tent obviously looking for me.

“I thought I saw you early. What are you working on?” he asked stepping more into the room. I carefully picked up the robe holding it out to him.

“Try this on,” I insisted helping him with the armholes. Crossing it in front of his body, I adjusted his belt to lay across it. Stepping back, I cocked my head appreciating my work.

“Don’t you think it’s a little much?” he asked not able to see what I saw.

“You’re a commander you need to stand out. What is the Lion of Ferelden without a mane?” I questioned arching my eyebrow. “If you don’t like it…its fine,” I tried smiling concealing my disappointment.

“It’s not that, you did a wonderful job. I just don’t like being the center of attention is all,” he confessed looking down at his outfit.

“You certainly seemed to enjoy it this afternoon,” I retorted immediately regretting how jealous I sounded.

“What do you mean?” he inquired confusing lining his face. Sighing I turned my back rubbing my face.

“I’m sorry, I…I saw you talking with Evelyn this morning. I suppose I was a little jealous seeing you together,” I admitted as I stuffed down all the snarky comments that came to mind. He laughed as I winced not trusting myself to look him in the face. He placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me around.

“It was nothing. She wants to get to know me better is all,” he insisted his hand lifting my chin so I had to meet his eyes. “You are still trying to find what your position is in the Inquisition. I know it’s hard on you but at least we are together,” he offered leaning down to bring his lips to mine.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 30 Song: Sleeping at Last/Pluto

I decided I did not like her. The way she talked down to people not surprising since she was born a noble. How everyone thought she was Andraste come again. She hung around Cullen like an adolescent with its first crush. Every time I tried to make a point in the meetings, she pretended she had not heard me.

Blessedly she decided to side with the mages the first correct decision she had made. When I offered to accompany her to Redcliffe, she brushed me aside. I fumed inside trying to keep my anger in check. I wanted nothing more than to have it out with her but she was the leader I could not endanger Cullen’s position.

I met Vivienne another mage who recently joined in the Inquisition. Her demeanor and dress screamed Orlais. She was skilled in the game while I preferred to be blunt; we would not be the best of friends. Sera and the Iron bull were the hardest to get to know so I stopped trying. Speaking with Solas I could tell he had seen much but his stories of his travels oddly reminded me of my past exchange with the Architect. I preferred spending my time with Varric and Blackwall.

When Evelyn returned you could tell the burden of being a leader was beginning to get to her. Stories about what had gone on at Redcliffe were rampant throughout the camp. To her credit, she finally able to close the Breach. Everyone was celebrating back at Haven. I excused myself to watch the revelry from afar.

I found myself at one of the trebuchets leaning against it I looked up at the night sky. I located Fervenial easily it was the constellation I always looked for first. I wondered what Alistair was doing now. Was he looking up at the stars in this same moment? Had he found some happiness, I hoped so.

I saw off in the distance a glint of fire. Suddenly bells were ringing out as people started to shout. Confused I ran back to Haven to see Cullen beckoning people inside. Several of us grouped around the front entrance while he explained a large force was moving in. They called him the elder one catching a glimpse of him I flashbacked to my first meeting with the Architect. Cullen barked orders to gather the villagers into the Chantry. The soldiers and mages were to protect Haven while Evelyn and a small force defended the trebuchets. Firing one of the trebuchets into the surrounding mountains caused an avalanche to carry away a large mass of soldiers.

We all looked at each other delighted until a fireball ripped apart a nearby trebuchet. Looking up open mouthed we saw a dragon emerge from the darkness. Running back to Haven we fell back to the Chantry our only hope of defense. We argued on what our next step should be. High Chancellor Roderick spoke up about a hidden path we could use to escape. Evelyn’s plan set we would try to escape then she would release another attack firing the trebuchet to bury Haven.

As we reached safety Sera shoot off a flaming arrow, our signal that we were out of range. We saw the arch from the trebuchet hit the side of the mountain just right causing the rubble and snow to rain down on Haven. Just before the avalanche swept through we looked on as the dragon lurched into the sky. We set up camp while Cullen led search parties for the Evelyn and any remaining survivors. He returned hours later cradling Evelyn in his arms. Her lips were blue but she was breathing. Laying her down on a group of healers myself included tried to access the situation. Her injuries were not that severe, our main worry was getting her body temperature up. After a time she roused asking for water, I saw as a sign she was out of danger. I moved unto the other survivors injured in the escape. Above the arguing, a single voice started to sing. Others joined in lifting their voices in unison. I closed Roderick’s eyes noticing he had expired.

The next day we all ventured north following the Herald. Solas had told her of a place called Skyhold that we could use as a new base of operations. The castle a little run down but with some work, we could turn this into defendable fortress. I set up an area to help treat the wounded. Cullen set about organizing the fortifications of Skyhold. I watched as Evelyn stopped by to discuss the ongoing plans. Moving closer I eavesdropped on their exchange. She asked him if he left anyone special behind in Kirkwall. An obvious question as to whether he was in a relationship with anyone. Shamelessly I ducked behind some lumber anxious to hear his answer. He shifted from foot to foot before answering, “Not in Kirkwall.”

We had agreed to keep our relationship private but it hurt to hear him deny me. A grown woman reduced to spying on conversations. I stood up feeling foolish heading back to the help the wounded. Evelyn leaned in and caressed his mantle laughing. I was disheartened to see his hand rub self-consciously at the back of his neck. In the need of air, before I screamed I walked around Skyhold. I found myself walking the ramparts stopping to stare at the beautiful landscape. Hearing boots tread behind me I turned to see Cullen. He stood beside me as I continued to stare ahead. I reminded myself to not act jealous or hurt, the only other option to me was to remain silent.

“There is something I must tell you,” he began turning to look at me.

I inhaled deeply stilling myself, “I am listening.” I could not face him. I waited for the fallout.

“I am no longer taking lyrium,” he admitted trying to gauge my reaction. Confused I regarded him taking in his serious demeanor.

“You stopped?” I asked concerned having overheard older Templars talk about their lyrium struggles. “What changed?”

“After Kirkwall…I will not be bound to the Order, or that life, any longer. Whatever the suffering, I can accept it. Cassandra has agreed to watch me. If my ability to lead is compromised, I will be relieved from duty,” he warned stepping closer his arm at my back. I nervously scanned the rampart relaxing to see no one else around. He had toyed with idea of stopping lyrium before. It terrified me with worry but I was also proud he was willing to distance himself from the Order. 

“If this is what you want I support your decision. I’m proud of you, let me know if I can help in any way,” I decided to not bring up what I had witnessed earlier. “Do you think you could bare the gossip if I hugged you?”

“Let them talk,” he chuckled encircled me in his arms. Glancing up I saw Evelyn looking down from her balcony.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 31 Song: Devil Side/Foxes

The restoration of Skyhold was in full swing. The throne room was the most impressive with its new stained glass windows. I started a library in the tower most of the books from my own collection. I purchased some new titles and set about rearranging the small but growing assortment. Dorian mocked my attempt at a library. He insisted on sending for some new material to enlighten the sad collection. I decided to pay a quick visit to Leliana I was surprised to see Fiona lingering in the hall. I had no idea she was a leader in the mage rebellion. We stepped out into the garden as we caught up from when we last met.

“So did you find what you were looking for?” she asked a knowing expression on her face.

“You were right, about everything. It did work but not in the way I thought it would,” I confessed looking around the courtyard. I observed Cullen playing chess with Evelyn. They looked like they were enjoying themselves. I knew he liked to play but for whatever reason he had never offered to teach me. It was not as if we had a lot of free time for it to come up though.

“Have you heard from Alistair? I met Anora in Redcliffe. Did he really give up the crown?” she inquired following my gaze to the couple laughing. Distracted I frowned turning my attention back to her.

“He went back to the Grey Wardens in Weisshaupt,” I admitted sadly looking at the ground.

“It’s for the best. I am glad he found someone who loved him; it is too bad he could not hold onto it. Stop by and visit with me sometime,” she sighed embracing me. Confused I hugged her back. My attention drawn back to the couple. I overhead him stammer as his cheeks blushed. Disgusted I stomped my way to Leliana’s rookery.

“Quinn!” a voice squealed clearing my stormy thoughts. My attention turned to a small woman beaming up at me.

“Dagna? How wonderful! I wondered what happened to you,” I gushed kneeling to wrap my arms around my now grown student. Her features had filled out but her thirst for knowledge still present in her eager eyes.

“I traveled to Tevinter to work with Magister Tebrin for a while. Then I found work as an Arcanist in the Free Marches. I received an offer from Leliana along with a lot of money, like a lot,” Dagna mentioned excited in her new position.

“They couldn’t have asked for a more applied Arcanist. I am glad you are here I feel safer knowing you are part of the Inquisition. If you ever have some time we should grab at drink in the tavern sometime,” I put out there hugging her again. It was heartening to see this young woman I met so long ago in Orzammar find her own place in the world.

“It’s a date, but drinks are on me,” Dagna called hurrying away. I climbed the steps to find Leliana her head down in deep thought. Finishing a note, she slipped it nimbly on a raven’s foot. I threw myself into a chair startling the raven.

“Everything alright?” she questioned looking me over.

“Why is it that every time I turn around Evelyn is making a pass at Cullen!?” I exclaimed throwing my hands up in the air.

“Yes, she has it quite bad. The meetings are hardly worthwhile she spends most of the time making eyes at him. It’s harmless once she realizes there is no chance she will move on,” she reasoned gazing at me with care.

“She is the Herald of Andraste. How can I compete? I don’t think I can take much more,” I complained folding my arms and putting my head down on her desk.

“I’m sorry this must be hard on you. You have to trust he will do the right thing. Easier said than done, I know. You certainly have a type, Quinn,” she joked rubbing my shoulders. I sighed heavily sitting up patting her hands.

“Thanks for listening, I need some air. I need to get out of Skyhold soon before I go crazy,” I griped standing up.

“I think I can help with that. Hawke is concerned about corruption in the Grey Wardens. She has a contact who wants to meet with Evelyn in Crestwood,” she advised shifting around papers.

“Corruption?” I puzzled trying to make sense of what she said.

“It is all very vague, but with your background you would be vital to our success,” she affirmed finding the paper she had been looking for. “Sorry I have to get back to this.”

I nodded still thinking on what she had said. Instead of going back down the tower, I pushed open a near door. It lead me out to an overview of the ramparts. Two small bedrooms were off to the right. I noticed Cullen and Evelyn walking along the ramparts. Being so high up I could make out their faces but not able to hear their voices. He rubbed the back of his neck again his sign he was nervous. She stopped him their faces serious as they continued their discussion. He rubbed his forehead starting to walk forward then stopped and turned toward her. She closed the distance between them as I gripped the stone balcony. Rylen not looking up interrupted them report in hand. Cullen covered his face looking embarrassed. She stared Rylen down anger flashing on her face. He glanced at them both surprised while backing away quickly. Cullen started to say something she lunged cupping his face in her hands kissing him deeply. I turned on my heel heading down the tower. Dorian caught my expression tried to intervene but I waved him away. Exiting Solas rotunda I made my way to Cullen’s office. He was sitting at his desk already his head in his hands. I slammed the door behind me, he jerked up stunned.

“Maker’s Balls! What is going on?” I shouted all my restraint gone in an instant. He stammered unable to form words his hands waving in the air. “You have nothing to say? I cannot believe this is happening again. You keep our relationship a dirty secret this whole time. While you make out with Evelyn in clear view of everyone?”

“It’s not what it looks like…,”he quavered shaking his head.

“It has been looking pretty clear to me this whole time. I just didn’t want to accept it,” I raged bitterly.

“I’m not Alistair, you can’t imagine I would ever hurt you like that,” he gulped loudly.

“Why are we talking about Alistair? He has nothing to do with this. He never openly flaunted his dalliances in front of everyone who to cared to look. You told me nothing was happening when it obviously was,” I argued slamming my fists on his desk.

“Is that why you kept his letter? Are you still waiting for him to come for you? Where is he, he isn’t here is he?” he thundered glaring at me. Tears welled in my eyes shocked at his outburst.

“I kept it because he meant something to me. It is just a letter. For months, I have had to watch you two flirt and shame me. I’m tired of thinking I’m not enough, I deserve better,” I cried wiping my tears roughly. “I’m leaving for Crestwood, please keep away from me until then.” I stormed out of this room.

Walking without a purpose, I tried to ignore the looks thrown at me. I found my way to the barn interrupting Blackwall carving a toy Griffin. He was nice enough to notice my distress but not ask any questions. He offered me a drink, which I greatly appreciated. I admired his woodwork, babbling about Griffins. He pushed the cup into my hand and I drank deeply. Holding out my cup for another, he eyed me concerned but filled it again. I hiccupped and sniffled as I downed the second cup.

“Let’s get you to bed,” he offered helping me to my feet. I swayed he adjusted his grip and carried me to the loft above. Laying me down on a heavy blanket thrown over a bale of hay. “Sleep now, all will be better in the morning.” My heart shattered as I wept silently until exhausted I gratefully fell asleep.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 32 Song: Don’t Deserve You/Plumb

I counted down the days until we were ready to leave for Crestwood. Cullen contained himself to his office. Thinking on it now of course he would rather be with Evelyn. She is a noble, a skilled warrior, and the Herald of Andraste. He wouldn't have to hide his relationship with her. I just never thought he was capable of hurting me so deeply.

I said my goodbyes to the others who were not accompanying us. I was grateful to leave Skyhold even with Evelyn in tow. I saw what kind of person she was even if the others did not. I almost felt sorry for her, almost. I readied my horse checking my pack was secure. I smiled to myself remembering how we had to walk everywhere. We did not have the resources the Inquisition had just two Wardens and a rag tag group of companions.

I swung my leg over my horse adjusting my posture. We trotted out heading toward the main gate. Crowds of followers bid farewell to the Herald. Evelyn waved excitedly to a figure on the ramparts. Looking up I saw Cullen an odd expression on his face. We locked eyes for an instant I broke contact to fidget with my reins. He did not look well dark circles visible under his eyes. Evelyn blew him a kiss as the crowd cheered. I shook my head miserable I had to be a part of this. I decided I would not stay with the Inquisition after this mission. Not sure where I would go, the Circle had since disbanded. Somewhere near the waking sea sounded nice. I thought on my future as we made our way to Crestwood.

Hawke led us to a cave where her contact was waiting. Hawke explained that Evelyn and herself should enter first. Blackwall and I waited just outside guarding the entrance. The voice echoing in the cave sounded hauntingly familiar. Hawke beckoned us to enter I let Blackwall go ahead of me as I watched the rear. Stepping into the cave, I recognized the voice all at once. As Blackwall introduced himself, I walked up beside him. There stood Alistair shining in his Grey Warden armor. His face more mature since I had last seen him at Kinloch Hold. A rough stubble outlined his mouth. I noticed a new small scar on his left cheek. Our faces mirrored surprise at seeing each other.

“Quinn, I never thought I would see you again,” he marveled looking like he had seen a ghost. He started to me then stopped but then embraced me strongly. “I went to the tower but no one was there,” he whispered staring down at me. I looked around at everyone watching us intently.

“I was in Kirkwall then I joined the Inquisition. Hawke said that something is happening with the Grey Wardens. What is going on Alistair?” I asked trying to sound matter of fact.

“All the Wardens in Orlais are hearing the calling,” Alistair explained worry flashed in his eyes.

“This is Alistair, former King of Ferelden?” Evelyn pointed out aghast. His face fell at the mention.

“He is also the Grey Warden who killed the Archdemon stopping the fifth blight,” I boasted grinning his way he returned the smile.

“What is the calling?” Evelyn asked crossing her arms.

“Wardens are tied to the Darkspawn. We are connected somehow…and eventually that connection poisons you. It starts out as bad dreams then you hear music. It calls to you, quiet at first then so loud you cannot bear it. When it gets that bad, you head to the Deep Road to die fighting. In death, sacrifice,” Alistair elaborated giving me a knowing look.

“So every Grey Warden in Orlais is hearing that right now? They think they are dying?” Hawke questioned confused.

“Yes, I believe this Corypheus is the cause. If all the Wardens die, who will stop the next Blight? They are all scared,” Alistair explained looking at each of us in turn.

“You said all the Wardens are hearing the calling. Does that include you?” I asked my voice trembling.

“Unfortunately, yes. When I am talking or fighting, I can almost ignore it. When things are quiet, I can hear it,” he admitted his face pained.

“How can Corypheus make all the Wardens hear the calling?” Evelyn queried perplexed at the prospect.

“Corypheus is tied to the Blight and not just product of it like most darkspawn. Wardens are also connected to the darkspawn as well. It is how he seems able to control Wardens who get too close to him. Warden-Commander Clarel desperately proposed using blood magic to prevent further Blights before we die. When I protested Clarel sent guards to imprison me but I was able to escape. The Wardens are gathering in the Western Approach. There is an Old Tevinter ritual tower I am going to investigate, I could use some help,” he offered nodding in our direction. He whistled sharply and a large shadow bounded into the light. I held my breath staring at the spitting image of Duke. The mabari hound padded over to Alistair’s side looking up at him. “This is Barkspawn, good name right?” he scratched his head. “We can sleep here tonight and head out in the morning.”

Everyone else fanned out to find a place to sleep. I hesitantly approached Barkspawn astonished at the similarities. Kneeling down to his level, I let him come to me. He sniffed the air around me curious at my attention he impulsively licked my face. Laughing I rubbed behind his ears. “He is amazing,” I professed watching his tongue lulling just like Duke when I stroked the same spot. “Terrible name though,” I teased standing back up.

“Can we talk?” he asked his expression hopeful. I shrugged mumbling all right following him to a hidden alcove. There was books and other items scattered around the small recess. He obviously been hiding out here for a while. “Age agrees with you,” he beamed looking me over.

“Thank you…” I muttered looking over his maps laid out. I did not know what to say. All he had just told us was still settling in.

“Did you get my letter?” he asked snapping his fingers at Barkspawn who laid down at the opening of the nook.

"Yes, but at the time I was already in Kirkwall. I met Anora she told me all that happened. Then I joined the Inquisition…” I trailed off studying the map. I felt extremely vulnerable and not at all in control of my emotions.

“I thought the worst at first, imaging they had issued the Right of Annulment. I wrote to Leliana but only received a short letter from her a while back. She mentioned that you were with someone,” he probed stepping closer to me. I swallowed hard trying to steady my breathing.

“I did or have…I mean it’s over now. What about you?” I avoided the question glancing up then back down.

“No one since I joined the Grey Wardens,” he remarked his hand reached up to play affectionately with a piece of my hair. My gaze turned to his wrist to see a small bracelet woven with a familiar lock of hair. My eyes flitted to his lips then to his eyes regarding me with a soft expression.

“Why have you not used the amulet? You wouldn’t be a Grey Warden but surely it’s better than hearing the calling,” I challenged biting my lip.

“I threw it into the sea when I left Ferelden,” he scoffed shaking his head. “When the calling started I realized how rash I had been.”

“I was planning on leaving the Inquisition but we need to stop Corypheus. The idea of no Wardens to stop the next Blight is too terrifying,” I confessed the idea unbearable.

“Why do you want to leave the Inquisition?” he questioned his brow furrowing.

“I would rather not talk about it,” I stressed becoming uncomfortable. He caressed my cheek lightly with his hand.

“How can something so beautiful exist in a place with so much despair and darkness? I thank the Maker I was able to see you one more time. I always felt like I should have died killing the Archdemon. I have been living on borrowed time since then. I have a feeling the something bad is going to happen. If we cannot stop Corypheus, I will need to go to the Deep Roads soon. If I could go back and change what happened between us I would. We were so young when we first started trying to stop the Blight. I know that I have hurt you but I am hoping you will let me ask you a favor,” he pleaded his thumb brushing my lower lip. My chest felt heavy my thoughts muddled. "Would you stay with me just for tonight?" My mind turned to Cullen as I struggled with an answer. I didn't owe Cullen anything, my resolve dissolving. He leaned in bringing his lips to mine. It all felt so confusing and familiar. He pulled away his eyes glistening heavy with need.

“Just tonight,” I agreed my own need just as desperate. We helped each other discarding our clothes. Our kissing gentle at first soon turned desperate. He laid me down carefully our hands explored each other’s bodies like it was our first time again. He took his time kissing and caressing with such care. I whispered small pleas as he pitched me into a frenzy. He lowered his body slowly on top of mine. He paused to look down at me. I bit my lip nodding wanting to be with him just one more time. He sunk into me ever so slowly his lips opening my mouth. I parted my lips as his tongue met mine. He drove himself deeper swallowing my gasps with his mouth. Surging forward he coaxed more cries as I felt myself tremble with want. Tears rolled down the sides of my face as I realized how much I had missed his touch. I tried to match his tenderness as our bodies melded into one another. I dug my nails into his back wanting to bring him closer. His pace quickened as wrapped my legs tighter around him. I cradled the back of his head to bring his lips back to mine hungry with need. He carried me over the edge shuddering with my release. He followed with his own quiet cry his eyes wet with emotion. “I don’t deserve you,” he panted out of breath. He kissed me stroking my cheek as he gazed at me in reverence.

“Your right I should probably go then,” I joked trying to push him off me. “I really should join the others but I am done hiding.”


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 33 Song: Sirens/Fleurie

We headed to the ancient Tevinter tower in the Western Approach. Alistair pointed out strange lights an indication of blood magic. The smell of corpses lingered on the air. As we walked through the ruins, Grey Warden bodies lay discarded all around. We all looked on in horror as a Venatori Magister Erimond used blood magic to raise a demon army. His plan to create enough demons to go to the Deep Roads to kill the Old Gods before they could wake. He had complete control of the Wardens. Like a puppet master, he showed off his power.

Erimond attempted to cast a spell on Evelyn, which rebounded knocking him in his ass. While he made his escape, he turned the enslaved Wardens and demons to attack us. Nearby lay an abandoned Warden fortress called Adamant. It would be the obvious place for Erimond to retreat. Hawke, Alistair, and I volunteered to scout out Adamant while the rest of the party headed back to Skyhold. We were able to get close enough to see the Wardens were indeed planning something. Alistair and I had little time to talk more focused on the issue at hand. I had to admit it was nice to be back fighting and traveling together again. My thoughts guiltly returned to Cullen back at Skyhold. Even though it was over I still felt confused on how we ended up here. Alistair was no longer King the singular reason we could not be together. Now he was an outcast Grey Warden could we try again? I needed to do some serious thinking. We headed back to Skyhold to share our Intel.

Cullen greeted us stiffly on our return. Evelyn pressed herself against him a haughty smile plastered on her face. I left Alistair assess the advisors on the situation at Adamant. Activity around Skyhold was in a frenzy everyone getting ready to storm the fortress. I had made my decision; I packed up all my belongings. Scanning the room, I turned at the sound of footsteps. Alistair entered complaining that he had been looking for me for hours.

“I need to speak with you before we head out,” I started nervous about what his response would be.

“Sure, I just ran into Fiona the Grey Warden you met in Montsimmard. Talk about a legend,” he babbled clearly excited. “I’m leaving Barkspawn back at Skyhold with Master Dennet. He is very upset with me but it will be too dangerous for him at Adamant.”

“I know we haven’t had much time to talk. I decided I am going to leave the Inquisition regardless of the outcome. If we win and stop the calling, Josephine offered me a small house by the ocean. I will stay there figuring out my next move. If we cannot stop calling I would like to come with you to the Deep Roads. I was a Grey Warden once I always thought that is where I would end my days. If you don’t want…what do you think?” I trailed off uncomfortable with how needy I sounded. His face registered shock then happiness. Pulling me close to him, he shook his head in wonder.

“Meeting you has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. After I screwed everything up so badly I was so scared I had lost you forever. I never thought I would ever get a second chance,” he affirmed ducking his head to kiss me deeply.

We marched on Adamant trebuchets firing at the fortress. Large ladders lifted up into the air attacking the high walls. All around us arrows streaked by while large rocks rained from the parapets. The ram impressive to behold busted down the door. Our main host planned to keep the demons occupied to buy Evelyn, Hawke, Alistair, and Blackwall time while they cleared the battlements. I watched from a distance as Cullen briefed Evelyn.

A force of mages led by me would cover their advance. Fighting our way to the center, we observed a ritual being performed. Keeping my attention on the gate nearby I kept stealing glances as Clarel struggled to accept the truth. Alistair tried to convince the other Grey Wardens that Erimond was the enemy his master part of the Blight. Erimond beat his staff on the ground as the sound of wings filled the air. Looking up I saw the same dragon from Haven swooping down blasting red lightning from its mouth. Clarel realizing the mistake she had made shot a spell at Erimond and then at the dragon crouched nearby. The dragon fired off another blast nearly hitting her. Erimond took off running Clarel on his heels.

The rest of the group followed while my unit held the pavilion. Alistair caught my eye nodding his head slowly in my direction an attempt to reassure me. My heart in my throat I watched Alistair disappear around a corner. I saw lightening blast light up the top level of the fortress. The dragon landed with someone in its jaws throwing the body aside it advanced on the group. An explosion rocked the bridge they all stood on sending the dragon tumbling over the edge. Rubble from the bridge showered down in the courtyard. I watched in horror as they tried to scramble to safety. The bridge continued to break apart underneath their feet sending them plummeting. Screaming I cast Inferno at the demons spilling into the pavilion. We continued to fight the remaining Grey Wardens joined to help. As the fighting calmed, I frantically made my way over to the bridge. Cullen stood staring at the debris shaking his head.

“Are they pinned under all this?” I shouted pointing at the wreckage. I began to pick up scattered rocks with my hands. Hysterical I screamed at people nearby to help but they just continued to stand and stare. My hands torn and bleeding Cullen grabbed me roughly by the shoulders. I struggled in his grasp, slapping his hands away. He shook me to get my attention.

“They aren’t under there. A solider reported they vanished in a green light. I think Evelyn’s mark may have sent them somewhere,” he thundered I waited for his words to reach my brain. Staring into his eyes, I concentrated on my breathing.

“Where?” I asked breathing in shakily finally understanding.

“I have no idea; there is nothing we can do for them right now. Let’s get you cleaned up,” he reassured leading me away from the rubble. I looked back still not convinced at the mound where I saw them fall. Cullen sat me down on a cot as he tended to my cuts. A soft tremor made my teeth chatter I recognized I was in shock. He bandaged my hands quickly concentrating on his task. “There are a lot of soldiers out there that could use a healer. If you feel like you are ready, try to focus on that. I will make sure to find you if I hear word of them.”

He looked at me once more than turned leaving the tent. I sat there breathing in and out, he was right. Maybe they were safe, I calmed myself. Looking down at my bandaged hands, I cast a healing spell. I wiped at my dirty tear streaked face while struggling to smooth my hair. I gathered myself stepping back into the night air that smelled of death. I found my way to the pavilion where injured soldiers laid out to be treated. Other healers ran from one person to another. I tried to concentrate on helping where I could but my mind kept wondering over the terrible possibilities.

At one point, I took a break to see Cullen directing men he shook his head my way. Hours had gone by with no word I began to lose hope. Wiping the sweat off my forehead a flash of green light lit up the pavilion. Shielding my eyes, I lowered my hands to see Evelyn materialize. The soldiers cheered seeing their leader once again defying the odds. Looking around I saw Hawke and Blackwall standing nearby. I scanned the crowd confused still not seeing Alistair. I locked eyes with Blackwall his face drawn in grief. I shook my head looking to Hawke who avoided my pleading eyes.

“Where is Alistair?” I asked my voice shrill. Evelyn’s face fell as she tried to find the words.

“Warden Alistair is dead. He alone stood against Clarel’s madness. If not for him, the Wardens would all be dead or slaves to a servant of the Blight. He died to free you all from the calling and you branded him a traitor,” Evelyn imparted her eyes filled with tears, as she looked my way. I turned and walked away slowly. I was not sure where I was going but I did not want to hear anymore. I walked for hours no tears came just a heavy emptiness. I remember Blackwall caught up to me on horseback he tried to speak to me but I could not hear him. I just stared straight ahead numb to it all. He gave me something to drink it was bitter and then there was darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me...


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 34 Song: The Night We Met/Lord Huron  
> Lelianna's Song-Dragon Age Origins Artist: Inon Zur Vocals: Aubrey Ashburn  
> 

I woke not sure of where I was, glancing around I recognized my room in Skyhold. I noticed Blackwall asleep in a chair near my bed. I tried to sit up groaning as every muscle ached. Blackwall woke as I struggled to sit up again. He brought a cup to my lips; cold clean water ran down my parched throat.

“I’m so sorry, Quinn. You are a remarkably strong woman you will get through this. You must know that it was his choice he gave us a chance to escape,” Blackwall consoled squeezing my hand. The tears I had held back broke the surface. He held me as I wept into his embrace. “Alistair would not want you consume yourself in grief, he died sacrificing himself. You know the words just as I do. In death sacrifice,” he whispered rubbing my back.

“You should get more rest, we need to get your strength back so we can kick Corypheus ass,” he smiled sadly laying me back onto the bed. He held my hand while I cried. When I woke next Leliana was lying beside me. I curled into her, my body racked with sobs. She held me stroking my hair.

“Let’s get you cleaned up and get some food in you,” she cajoled untangling herself from me. A tub was set up in the corner. Buckets of hot water brought in as Leliana helped me into the tub. She washed my hair as I sat there in a daze still not believing he was truly gone. We had just found one another again. She washed the reachable parts of my body while I numbly finished the rest. Wrapping me in a large towel, she set me on the bed. Taking a brush, she combed the tangles from my hair gently. She set a plate of simple food on my lap while she braided my hair.

“Would you sing for me?” I asked staring uninterested at a piece of bread.

“Only if you eat all that food,” she proposed finishing my braid. She watched me slowly eat until it was all gone. I laid back down as she sat beside me holding my hand. She sang the Elven funeral ballad I first heard years ago. She had translated the song for me once. The last line, we love one more day. When she finished tears blurred my eyes.

The next few days I finally felt strong enough to leave my room. The second I stepped outside, I regretted it. The looks everyone gave me made me want to run back to my room. Blackwall was right though I needed to stay and fight Corypheus. There was a lot of activity going on around Skyhold. I overheard Evelyn was leaving soon for Orlais to attend a ball. I decided to read a book in the rotunda while Solas painted his mural. He was sensitive enough to acknowledge me but continued with his work. The door next to me opened as Evelyn rushed in. She saw me and froze unsure of what to do. Sitting down beside me, she opened her mouth then closed it.

“I remember you told me in Haven how being a leader would be difficult. You told me that I needed to make sure that I could live with my decisions. I see now what you meant…I don't think I can. It was an impossible choice but it was mine and I see now the effect it has had on everyone. I am sorry for how I have treated you at times. Can you ever forgive me?” she pleaded her eyes watering.

“I also said do not look back on what could have been. Alistair died for a purpose; he embodied what the Grey Wardens stand for. He could not have asked for a better death. I don’t blame you I blame Corypheus and we will make him pay,” I threatened vehemently clenching my hands into fists. Solas dropped his paintbrush we watched it roll toward Evelyn’s foot. She picked it up and handed it back to him. She thanked me and excused herself. I looked down at my hands to see pale crescent moon marks embedded in my palms.

I wanted to get outside feel air on my skin. I decided to head to the stables toying with the idea of a ride. An excited bark behind me caused me to turn seeing Barkspawn springing toward me. I knelt down throwing my arms open to catch his massive body as he bowled into me. Laughing tearfully, he licked happily at my face. A large shadow blocked out the sun as I looked up to see Cullen. I stood up as Barkspawn yipped happily at my side. He looked pale but the dark circles under his eyes were fading

“I have been trying to teach him some tricks but he has been distracted. I can see why,” Cullen explained putting his hand out as Barkspawn sat at the command. Cullen reached into his pocket tossing him a treat.

“His name is Barkspawn, he belonged to Alistair,” I confirmed rubbing the Mabari’s head. He swallowed hard at the mention of Alistair's name.

“Listen we are leaving for Orlais soon. I meant to speak with you before you left with Hawke. Could we talk when I return? I have some things I would like to explain.” He put forth rubbing the back of his neck.

“If you want…have a safe trip,” I imparted walking back to my room. I found Duke’s old collar in my pack. I sat on the floor in front of him and clasped his father’s collar around his neck.

“It looks good on you,” I admired his collar he responded in a pleased bark. “Come on lets go play fetch in the garden.”


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 35 Song: Brighton-Forest Fire

It was late at night as the party returned from Orlais. Word had reached us that Evelyn had successfully thwarted the assasination attempt. The soldiers and mages cheered as she led the party into the keep. She looked tired but happy to have secured Orlesian aide in the fight against Corypheus. Barkspawn happy to follow me around but he was restless like he was still waiting for Alistair to come back. I decided to distract him by walking him around the gardens his new favorite spot.

I did a double take seeing Morrigan standing casually outside near the stone patio. I had not seen her since she had disappeared through an Eluvian so many years ago. I had not realized how much I had missed her as it all hit me at once. She allowed me to hug her and even squeezed me back. Barkspawn beside me started to bark excitedly. Morrigan eyed the Mabari eyebrows dipping in confusion. I watched as Barkspawn danced circles around a young boy. He was ten or eleven with dark brown hair flecked with hints of red. I held my breath taking in his familiar features. His nose and mouth carbon copies of Alistair’s. My eyes darted to Morrigan she nodded signaling this was his son. The young boy kneeled down to pet the Barkspawn. He glanced up and smiled his lips pulling the same as his fathers.

“You’re Quinn the Hero of Ferelden. My name is Kieran. Mother has told me stories of you since I was a baby,” he praised looking at me in adoration. I knelt to bring his eyes level to mine.

“Nice to meet you Kieran. I knew your father during the Blight; I think you look like him. This mongrel here is Barkspawn he belonged to your father. If it is ok with your Mother I think he would want you to have him,” I gulped looking at Morrigan for approval. Barkspawn woofed in agreement licking Kieran’s face.

“Did you hear that Mother? Can I keep him?” Kieran begged his face expectant with excitement.

“I suppose, but you better take good care of him. It’s time to return to your studies, little man,” she ordered pushing him on his way. He pitched forward running as Barkspawn followed him happily.

“He is…wonderful. You should be very proud,” my voice quavered with emotion.

“I am. He has changed me for the better I believe. It is good to see you, I was sorry to hear about Alistair,” Morrigan added reaching out to squeeze my upper arm. My eyes tearing again I took a shuddering breath.

“Yes…I hope we can catch up soon. I need to go check on a shipment,” I lied excusing myself before I let my emotions overwhelm me. Looking back again in Kieran’s direction I swallowed a sob. 

Skyhold was preparing to move troops to the Arbor Wilds. Corypheus sought a mysterious item at the temple of Mythal. Feeling unwell, the past couple of days I decided to take it easy. In the mood for fresh air, I walked along the ramparts. Staring out at the horizon, I watched the sun dip lower over the trees. As the air grew chilly, I turned heading to the Heralds Rest.

Soldiers and companions grouped themselves at tables. I warmed myself by the fire catching Varric waving me over to sit beside him. I smiled at the group assembled at the table. I noticed Cullen gesturing punctually at Evelyn as they engaged in a heated discussion at a corner table. Varric passed me a cup of ale the smell set my stomach on edge. I stared at the contents glancing up to see Evelyn leave the tavern in a huff.

Maryden sang in the center of the room with her lute accompanied by her lilting voice. She had finished Sera’s song one of my favorites. Sera cheered loudly downing the rest of her cup. Tuning her lute, she began her next song. I recognized the song by the first couple of notes. Her strong clear voice launched into, “Once We Were”. I pushed the ale cup away lifting my eyes in Cullen’s direction. He stared intently my way, my chest heavy with emotion. It had only been a few weeks since Alistair's passing. I pushed back from the table and exited the tavern. Taking in deep breathes of the cold night air; I started back toward my room.

“Quinn!” Cullen called out behind me. I stopped slowly turning his way. He ran toward me to close the distance between us. “I wondered if you had time to talk,” he implored seeing my hesitation. I finally nodded as he led me to his office. I sat down on a small couch a new addition to his room. He nervously paced around lighting candles. He sat down heavily as I remained quiet waiting for him to start. I noticed the familiar chain visible on his neck my phylactery hidden under his clothes.

“I wanted a chance to explain myself. I am well aware this will not change much but I need to set some things straight. I will admit I was flattered that Evelyn showed me so much attention. I should have never had allowed it to continue. She is the Herald I was not sure how to reject her without affecting my position here. By not stopping it, she took it as encouragement. I had just stopped taking lyrium; my mind was all screwed up. When you saw her kiss me that day, you did not see the whole act. I pushed her off me and walked away. When she came back to Skyhold after meeting Hawke’s contact. She was very happy to bring me news of that you and Alistair reconnected. I think she thought that since you had moved on with someone else we could be something. I told her tonight there has only ever been one woman for me and that was you. Even if we cannot fix things between us, I need you to know that. I should not have tried to hide our relationship. I’m sorry,” he confessed his eyes burning into mine.

I shook my head horrified as I fought to comprehend what he had just told. I felt hot as waves of dizziness hit me all of the sudden. I struggled to stand my knees weak as a wave of nausea rocked me. The world tilted as I felt my body sink to the ground blackness swallowing me up.

I woke in my bed a candle burning on the side table. I sat up another lurch of nausea had me running to relieve myself into a bucket. I emptied the contents of my stomach gasping at the exertion. I sat back wiping my mouth feeling slightly better. The door opened as Adan a healer at Skyhold stepped inside carrying a basket. He helped me up to sit back on the bed. I rinsed my mouth out first spitting into a bucket. I drank the rest of the water to settle my stomach.

“Must have been something I ate,” I reasoned while Adan checked me over asking me questions.

“You gave us quite a scare. Cullen more than anyone else. Your symptoms are common enough to spot. Did you know you were pregnant, maybe a month along,” he alleged letting his words sink in. I clutched a hand to my stomach dazed. I counted back to the time we spent in the cave, which matched up. “I brought you some herbs to help with your nausea. It will pass as your pregnancy progresses. You need to make sure you are eating properly, plenty of fruits and vegetables.”

“Does Cullen know?” I asked afraid of the answer.

“Yes…he was very insistent on knowing what was wrong with you. Please let me know if you need anything else,” Adan offered collecting his basket as he left. Sadly I reflected on how this news would surely be the end of Cullen and I. At first I felt like crying again then a slow smile spread on my face. It was bittersweet knowing Alistair had given me the gift I wanted most. It was unfortunate that he would not be around to see his child grow. I tried to image what our child would look like with both of our features as I fell asleep.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 36 Song: A Thousand Years/Christina Perri

Skyhold was finally ready to advance on the Arbor Wilds. I had decided to stay behind not wanting to put myself in danger in the upcoming battle. After several pep talks and mock conversations, I felt ready to face Cullen. I knocked on his office door a first for me. I heard his voice call out to enter. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door standing in the doorway I faltered. All the things I wanted to say had left my mind he looked up shocked to see me. I closed the door behind me as doubt and fear set in.

“Are you leaving today?” I started wincing at my cowardice.

“Yes, Ferelden and Orlais united against Corypheus he doesn’t stand a chance,” he boasted coming around his desk to stand in front of me. “I have been meaning to stop by and check on you. I’ve been busy and…honestly I’ve been conflicted.”

“You are not the only one. I will admit I am glad to have a small piece of him it makes the pain of losing him a little less. I wanted to thank you for explaining your actions. It is only fair that I be honest with you. I know what I did must feel like a betrayal to you and maybe it is. He was afraid he was dying and asked that we spend one night together. I was so hurt and confused that I agreed. I loved Alistair but you were my first love truly. I have always loved you, I still do. The way I am now, I can only imagine how much you must hate me. I plan to stay at Skyhold for now until Corypheus is defeated. I will try to stay out of your way until it is over. I hope that you can forgive me you deserve someone special. Please keep yourself safe I don’t think I can bear another loss,” I concluded swallowing hard as I reached for the door. Startled his hand stopped mine as our eyes met.

“I love you,” he admitted not taking his eyes from mine.

“Still?” I asked shakily not understanding.

“More…I don’t want to imagine you alone in the world. I have thought about it and I want to help you raise this child. It may not be mine but I will love it as if it were. Think it over, I do not need an answer now. We can talk more when I return,” he vowed his eyes soft and kind. I nodded stunned for words. He kissed me on the forehead as I shakily opened the door. I walked the length of the keep his words repeating in my head. Of all the scenarios I had run through this was not even a possibility. It touched me deeply that he would even want me after everything. I did not want to get my hopes up but it was difficult to keep the smile from my face. I watched as groups of soldiers in formation left out the main gate. Kieran and I waved to Morrigan and Cullen as they left, Barkspawn barking his farewell. Our hopes and wishes carried with them.

Fiona and I watched as Kieran and Barkspawn frolicked in the garden. I was surprised she had not gone with the other mages to the Temple. Looking over at her, I noticed she too seemed to be in mourning. I reached out to hold her hand. Surprised she smiled patting my hand and sighing. We did not talk just watched as they ran back and forth in their play.

Morrigan was back first with Evelyn’s companions crossing through an Eluvian in Skyhold. We had won a small victory as Corypheus. He had fled to the Temple of Sacred Ashes trying to reopen the Breach. Most of the troops were still back in the Arbor Wilds. Evelyn decided she did not want to wait for the troops she wanted to strike Corypheus now. Morrigan had an idea about how deal with his red lyrium dragon. Before she left she made my promise if anything should happen to her I would care for her son. Kieran and I waited at the gate my heart leaping to see Cullen riding hard for the stables. He dismounted as we reached him; he embraced me as the sky over the temple lit up.

“Evelyn is up there you have to help her,” I worried gesturing up the temple.

“I am not leaving you and Kieran here, we need to get away from the temple until we know it’s safe,” he ordered grabbing Kieran’s hand to lead him out of the gates. We made it to the woods I watched as Haven itself being raised into the sky. Two dragons fought overhead attacking each other soaring around the hovering ruins. I stopped running to hug Kieran to me observing one dragon fly toward the breach then dive down to attack. They spiraled falling together towards the ground. The ruins sank slowly back the ground but large boulders still floated midair. Cullen put his arm around us a beam of green light shot upward into the Breach. The clouds swirled around the Breach as it closed. The remaining boulders finally fell crashing down on the temple.

“She must have closed the Breach. We need to get back to help,” I worried whistling to Barkspawn to follow. They all returned all except for Solas who has left mysteriously. Morrigan visibly injuired limped while clutching at her side. She smiled though to see Kieran running to welcome her back. A small party gathered in the throne room to celebrate. Tired but happy faces drank and ate to the Herald. Cullen made his way over to me as I spoke with Leliana. I congratulated her as she told me she is to be the new Divine. He excused us leading me to a less crowded spot in the throne room.

“Have you thought about what I said?” he asked anxious to know my answer.

“Yes, I have. I have so many doubts about this child, how my life will change. I am certain about one thing and that is how I feel about you. I want to share this family and my life with you,” I pledged placing my hands in his. He beamed with happiness leaning down to kiss me in front everyone.

“I want you to know everything feels like it was worth fighting for,” he grinned cradling my cheek. “Have you thought of names yet?”

“Duncan if it is boy, Rose if it is a girl,” I announced laying my head against his chest. 


	37. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 37 Song: Perfect/Ed Sheeran

We married in a small ceremony performed by Leliana at Skyhold. After the Inquisition disbanded, we made a home in Ferelden. Cullen established a sanctuary for Templars whose minds were taken by lyrium, as well as those who wished to cease taking lyrium. I continued to speak up fighting for mage rights. We both promised to aide our friends should the old Inquisition ever need us. Morrigan and I agreed to stay in contact if only for our children to spend time together. I finished setting the table as I heard Cullen ride up. I stepped onto the porch to find Duncan digging for worms. His face bent down in concentration trying to fill his container for fishing with his father. His features were delicate almost elvish at times in a certain light. He resembled me more but his hair was the exact color of Alistair’s. A curious boy who also shared his fondness for cheese.

“Duncan wash up your father is home,” I called he turned his eyes sparkling with glee. He stood up tearing off in the direction of the stables. I rubbed my heavy stomach hoping this baby would come soon. Duncan impatient to become a big brother ready to meet his new sibling. Cullen strode in the back door carrying Duncan by his feet. Duncan laughed hysterically as the world was turned upside down.

“Put him down,” I scolded while smiling. “Both of you wash up, dinner is ready.”

Cullen helped Duncan wash his hands while cleaning his own. They both sat at the table serving themselves. I crossed the room bending down to kiss Cullen hello. His arms encircled my ever-growing waist. He kiss my stomach smiling up at me, I smiled back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I hope you enjoyed the songs and my story. Be gentle this is the first fanfiction I have ever attempted. Thank you all for reading it as well to Dragon Age for making these characters so special. I might go back and add some minor characters like Jowan or Anders. Maybe Alistair is still stuck in the Fade...Truly this story was strictly for my love of these two Dragon Age characters.

**Author's Note:**

> Each chapter has its own song that I found applied or I feel goes well with the story. Chapter 1: Daniel in the Den/Bastille


End file.
